


Moments

by PlantEg



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Birthday Presents, Coming of Age Ceremony, Developing Relationship, F/M, First Kiss, I hate triangle, Japanese Culture, Japanese Mythology & Folklore, Marriage Proposal, Post-Canon, Second Kiss, Would they ever quarrel?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28416657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlantEg/pseuds/PlantEg
Summary: Love is in the moments. Love is at this moment.Eight years ago, I wrote a fanfiction of Sesshomaru and Rin in Chinese. It's a story about how the love between the two deepened as they traveled together and about why there were no demons in modern era.Rin chose to join Sesshomaru's journey when she was 15. They faced a group of demon enemies and simultaneously the enemy called fate. While the former sought after specific items and could be defeated with swords and fights, the latter was to destroy the world of yokai once and for all and seemed inevitable. Sesshomaru and Rin together resolved the crises and lived a happy life afterwards.I hoped to share the whole story, but it's almost impossible to translate the entire work in a reasonable time, as it exceeded 260,000 words. I decided to first translate the chapters where the couple had their happy moments. I will fill in the new characters and story line when necessary. I intended to make the chapters one shots but they were logically and temporally connected after all. I would recommend to read through the notes before and after each chapter for a general idea of the whole story.
Relationships: Rin & Sesshoumaru (InuYasha), Rin/Sesshoumaru (InuYasha)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 59





	1. “It’s your birthday.”

“Sesshomaru-sama, it stopped raining, and is already late.” Rin came out of the cave and walked up to Sesshomaru, who was at the edge of the cliff. She found the smell of earth so pleasant and refreshing after the heavy rain, and the distant Ise Grand Shrine so mysterious and sacred now covered by a thick flowing fog.

They had been waiting here for the vampires for more than ten days. Knowing enemies would come in darkness, they rested during the day and stood watch at night. Unlike others, Rin had not fully adapted to nocturnality. And this morning, the rain further disturbed her sleep. By the time she woke up, it was almost sunset, and Jaken and the other two had gone to search for food.

Sesshomaru guarded her back from the cliff. He looked at her loose hair and said, “It appears you have not seen the case I placed at your side.”

Rin smiled at him, not answering, and reached out the right hand, holding a hair ribbon with two giant bright pearls, one golden and the other silver. -- That was the thing inside the case he referred to.

“Did you not like it?” Sesshomaru was a little surprised, wondering why she’s not wearing it.

“Of course, I did. I like it, a lot. It’s just …” Rin hesitated a little and said, “Sesshomaru-sama should not be concerned with trivia like this.”

“Rin, it’s your birthday.” Sesshomaru apparently did not consider it trivial.

Rin was astonished. She reflected on their trip until now. After leaving Yoreitaisei’s place, they first paid a visit to Sesshomaru’s mother in the Western Lands, then went to the Northern Lands to keep an eye on the nine-tailed foxes. Upon learning of the vampires’ intention to attack the Ise Grand Shrine, they turned south to guard here. Half a year flew by.

In the past, she never missed her own birthday, because that was one of the few days of the year on which Sesshomaru would for sure come to the village to visit her. She always would watch carefully the phase of the moon to keep track of dates and start counting down many days ahead of time. Yet, today, her 16th birthday, she did forget: now he was just by her side, every single day, she had no more special dates to look forward to.

Sesshomaru-sama remembered her birthday. This made her so happy and grateful. Still, she knew they were in a serious situation and had no time for celebration. She said, “My birthday is not as important as what we are facing now. Not even comparable. At such a critical moment, nothing should distract you, Sesshomaru-sama.”

“I fetched it days ago, when it was safe.” He had planned for it a while ago and it’s not a distraction.

Days ago? Was it when we were on our way here? Was it during one of the many peaceful nights? Indeed, it was not so dangerous back then, but still, it’s risky. With these thoughts, Rin said, “Sesshomaru-sama, please, don’t take risks for me. What if something happened while you were away?”

“Nothing did, and I had made sure nothing would.” Sesshomaru looked into her eyes, quite ready to dispute her argument.

Rin blushed at his persistent spoils and turned away. The luster of the pearls caught her eyes. She appreciated the gift even more.

“I understand now. I’ll put the ribbon on.” She reached out for the hair, only to be stopped by Sesshomaru.

“Let me.” He picked up the ribbon, stood behind her and started combing her hair with fingers.

“Sesshomaru-sama,” Rin heard her heart fluttering and tried calming it down by asking questions, “do you remember my last birthday?”

“Yes.” Last year, she stayed in a mountain for three months, looking for a rare medicinal herb with a group of people, and thus canceled the monthly meetings with him.

“I had insisted on not seeing you until getting back. Yet, deep in my heart, I wished so much you should appear, especially on my birthday.” Rin recalled the self-contradictory feelings and said, “I was very worried that you were angry and would never come to see me again… When we finally met afterwards, you gave me the comb as a late birthday gift. I couldn’t be happier.”

So, a gift was meaningful after all. Sesshomaru chuckled.

“Months later on your birthday, we were at Yoreitaisei’s place.” Rin did not continue. For demons, birthdays were secrets. Rin therefore never asked to celebrate his, nor would she talk about it. Since they first met, Sesshomaru had spent three out of his seven birthdays with Rin. On the first, she made some desserts for him, but he only managed a small bite. On the second, she presented him with a poem but asked it back almost immediately, saying it was too poorly versified. On the third, he was in the training to enhance Bakusaiga’s power, his spirit away even though his body present. She braided a flower crown for him. He did not see it, as the blossoms had withered long before he came back. Rin was lost in the memory.

“Done it is.” Sesshomaru released Rin’s hair and watched her turn around.

Although Rin could not get a sight of the hair with the ribbon on, she knew for sure it was beautiful. She said with a bright smile, “Sesshomaru-sama, thank…”

Sesshomaru pressed his thumb on her lips to stop her saying. She was surprised: Was this another thing so minor as not to be thanked for? Rin held his hand, her eyes flashing with passion, and wished, “Sesshomaru-sama, I hope to spend all birthdays with you, both mine and yours.”

“Certainly.” Sesshomaru gently embraced her.

“No, not just birthdays.” Rin raised her head and added, “Every day.”

“We will.” He kissed her on the lips, sealing the promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two new characters in Sesshomaru's group were two demons.  
> One was a bird demon. It was saved by Rin when she was eleven, in the village. The bird then grew up together with Rin.  
> The other was a grass demon. He was revived by Tenseiga.


	2. “How much did you drink last night?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sesshomaru's reflection on his developing feelings toward Rin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rin was 14.  
> Sesshomaru came to the village to visit her every month on the following day of the new moon. 
> 
> New characters:  
> Kenta: a young man who had a crush on Rin. He confessed and was rejected.  
> Noctie: a bird demon saved by Rin when she was 11. He stayed and grew up with Rin.

The sun was high up in the sky. It’s baking the medicinal herbs spread on the ground in front of Kaede’s hut, curling the leaves and peeling the seeds.

Against a tree nearby, Sesshomaru leaned with his eyes closed, waiting patiently. For whom? No one but the girl inside. – Rin was still asleep, all due to the sake from last night. It was Akiko, the sake-maker, who brought the bottle of sake, together with half a dozen sake mochis. She was to thank Rin for her help with the fermentation procedure earlier in the month.

This was not necessarily bad. Sesshomaru thought to himself. At least, nobody dared to bother Rin in his presence.

“Nobody shall bother Rin”, this thought squeezed its way into his mind, little by little, ever since Rin told him about a young man, named Kenta, confessing a crush on her.

Rin would for sure turn into a fair woman, if not already had turned, attractive and smart. It was just natural that some man, among so many others in the village, would hope to take her as his wife. Sesshomaru always knew this would happen. But when it actually did, almost a year ago, he was still caught off guard: It was merely too soon, so soon that Rin had not learnt the idea of crushing and that Sesshomaru had not a chance to prepare for a proper response.

He rephrased and thus revealed Kenta’s true message to her, “Do you want to be with him for your lifetime?”

Having grasped the critical idea, Rin replied, “No, absolutely not.”

At that time, Sesshomaru did not quite understand why her answer brought such an amount of relief. But then it gradually became clear, as Rin was the one appearing in his head every time when he later asked himself, purposely or subconsciously, questions like, “Do you wish to spend the lifetime with someone? Who is that?”

He always wanted to have Rin by his side, since many years ago. She had been once upon a time, which he missed and appreciated. Yet, was the desire different now? And how? He came across the answers three months later.

He was about to help Rin extract a honeybee sting from her thumb. The moment he touched her hand, he heard Rin’s heartbeat accelerating and sensed a tantalizing aroma emitted from her skin. He gazed at her cheeks flush and her eyes dance away from his. He was pleased, excited and aroused. With her whole fist firmly in his palm, it was with great efforts that he fought to eventually let her go, against to drag her into his arms for a deep kiss on the lips. He realized, that was how his feelings were different from before.

For their following monthly meeting on the day after the new moon, he arrived around noon. Rin was there waiting for him as usual. Or, was she? Wasn’t she actually talking to a young man? Who was he? Sesshomaru had no idea.

That man, with a writing brush and some papers in his hand, asked eagerly, “Rin, can you teach me how to write today? I’m free the whole afternoon.”

Sesshomaru was irritated by that attempt to take Rin away on the day which was supposed to be reserved for him alone. He was so angry that his suffocating aura secretly reached that man before Rin could say anything. Then he heard some quavering words coming out of his throat:

“To… Tomorrow! I’ll come for you… tomorrow.”

Sesshomaru couldn’t help but picture in mind Rin teaching him to write, even hand over hand, in his own absence. He impulsed to kill that man right then while he ran off. He would have, had Rin not assured him with “I won’t. Never.”

And that was not the end of his upset. Rather, it was the beginning, for the man who he thought must be Kenta was actually named Goro. So, another man fancying Rin. -- No, no, there must be others.

Kenta, Goro, and whoever else, what did Rin have to do with them? How did Rin get to know them? What was Rin doing while this Sesshomaru was away? He had never interfered with Rin’s living in the village before. He had willingly accepted the part of her life she wished to share and uncomplainingly spared the other she did not. But now, he was nervous about that unrevealed part. He wanted to know everything about her, not a single piece left behind, and to have her time devoted to him, not a single second missing.

Once, he had the plan of providing her with a good fortune to spend for the rest of her life, if she ended up choosing the human side. But now, he would turn furious upon a faintest imagining of a man marrying Rin and being intimate with her. – No, it did not have to be intimate; just a deliberate touch on her finger or an exceedingly long glance at her face would trigger his anger.

Sesshomaru knew well, his possessive urge rooted in the feeling called love. He was just like the other human males to have fallen for Rin. Yet, he was so different from them: He was a demon, while they were as human as Rin. Which side would Rin choose? Who would she choose, to spend her lifetime with?

What if she chose someone else? This question drove the idea to emerge in his mind, more than once, of rescinding her right to choose and taking her away by command. However, he extinguished this spark of thought before it could kindle a fire:

The more his love grew each day, the more he wanted true happiness for Rin. He was more determined than ever that Rin should make her own sincere choice, without any directing, distracting or tempting by anyone. If he should confess to her, he would add so much weight on his side of the scale that she likely would no longer give the other due consideration. He hence decided to veil his ever-growing affections for her.

Yet, he did one thing during the half year afterwards, and one thing only: He quitted a convenient random arrival time and intentionally came early in the morning, just to claim the whole day with Rin.

Sesshomaru drifted far away in his thoughts, until the mixed scents of herbs intensified by the burning sun became annoying to his nose. Fortunately to his relief, he heard Rin’s voice: “No need for breakfast, Kaede-sama… I just had a mochi instead… See you later!”

Sesshomaru looked over toward the hut. His eyes followed her emerging from behind the door curtain and running in his direction.

Rin stood in front of him and bowed, “I’m very sorry for being late and for keeping you waiting, Sesshomaru-sama!”

“You should not be. You are on time.” He was right. She technically was not late, as they did not coordinate a specific time besides agreeing to meet today, although they both had recently adapted to greeting each other rather early on the mornings of those particular days.

“Thank you for not blaming me!” Rin smiled at him.

“Have you fully recovered? Do you need more time?” He asked, reading a remaining trace of insobriety off her glowing pink cheeks.

“I’m all right, Sesshomaru-sama. The headache has just worn off.” She grinned.

On the shadowed path by the creek, Rin sauntered in the front, cheerfully talking. Occasionally, she would bend over to sniff at flowers, reach out to tease Noctie circling over her head, or turn around and throw a happy smile at Sesshomaru and Jaken.

Sesshomaru gazed at her, silently listening to her deliver the news of the month and comment on the taste of sake from last night. Rin’s soothing smiles, voice and scent could always purge all his weariness resulted from traveling and fighting during the month. He enjoyed recharging in her company so much that he made the arrival earlier and earlier and took the departure later and later, only to regret the proposal of monthly meetings. Those meetings had before comforted that young girl from missing him without interrupting her daily life, but currently could satiate none of his urge and only made separation ever unbearable. Nevertheless, could he announce more frequent visits now? No, since that would easily expose his feelings, which he had decided to hide for now.

“Sesshomaru-sama…” Rin mumbled with discomfort.

He was alarmed and regretted the momentary absence of mind.

“I feel a little dizzy… Let me take a seat.” Rin dragged herself toward a tree, with her hand covering the forhead. She sat down there, elbows on the knees and thumbs rubbing the temples.

Sesshomaru followed immediately up to her. He knelt and asked eagerly, “What is the matter?”

Feeling slightly better, Rin replied with a small smile, “Nothing really. Maybe I’m still a little drunk.”

“Until now? How’s that possible?” Jaken was puzzled, “How much did you drink last night?”

“One cup.” Rin blinked at Jaken, wondering why he was swaying side to side.

“Just one?” Jaken found it unbelievable, “Really? How could one cup of sake be so poisonous?”

Rin did not pay attention to Jaken; she was busy finding a good angle to rest her chin at on the knees while her head turned heavy from light.

“You’d better not drink any sake in the future, Rin. It seems too strong for you.” Jaken was worried, seeing Rin’s breaths slowing down and her eyes stop beaming.

“… Right…” Rin murmured, as she closed her eyes and buried her face into the arms to drive the distorted blurry image of Jaken out of her vision.

“No more sake…” With a light voice, Rin seemed to be whispering more to herself than to Sesshomaru and Jaken, “After drinking, I saw that person in my dream… Yet, I woke up alone… Again…It’s so sad… No more drinking! …”

That person? Sesshomaru was shocked. Rin dreamt of someone and woke up lonely. He knew what that meant and how that felt, because he had been experiencing the same for months. He did not dream often, since he only took occasional naps instead of regular and long sleeps as humans did. But whenever he did, he would always meet Rin. He treasured those dreams for the joy in there, as much as he hated them for the sorrow he woke up to.

What were Rin’s dreams like? Who was in there? Was it this Sesshomaru? Was it another man? How would these dreams be tied to her choice in the near future? He was anxious.

“Who was that person?” Sesshomaru eventually could not help asking the question, expecting and yet dreading to hear the answer.

For a second, silence was the only thing Sesshomaru received. Rin seemed lost in her own soft breaths.

“Akiko-sama, please don’t ask. I, I will not say his name…” When she finally spoke with a great deal of embarrassment, she mistakenly addressed the same question asked by Akiko last night.

“Rin, are you all right? You are not making sense.” Jaken was very concerned, “What sake was that? Why was it so strong?”

Sesshomaru suddenly remembered something. He asked, “Rin, what did you have for breakfast?”

“Breakfast? …” Rin registered the question but could not come up with an answer, “Noodles? … No! Did not make a fire this morning… It’s not noodles…” As she sought hard in the head, her left hand slipped slowly off her knees.

“Mochi? …” Her hand hit the ground and cracked a little sense back into to her mind. She was conscious for a second and confirmed, “Right. It’s a mochi. I ate a mochi while combing my hair.”

“Mochi?” Jaken remembered, “Was it from last night, by A, Akiko? One mochi, and you are intoxicated again?”

Rin did not answer, as she had dived back to the edge of falling asleep.

“Rin, you should go back and take a rest.”

To Sesshomaru’s surprise, Rin shouted, “No! I’m not! Are you leaving already, Sesshomaru-sama?” Her voice was clear but her eyes not. In a deep drowsiness, she saw Sesshomaru standing up and interpreted that as the signal of him leaving. That’s when she jumped to her feet and reached out to keep him.

Sesshomaru had meant to grab Rin’s upper arms to help her up but found himself just in time to catch Rin’s body while she tumbled a step forward and fell right onto his chest.

“Please, don’t leave! … Not yet! ...” She begged with a trembling voice, together with the last bit of her consciousness as well as strength.

For Sesshomaru, a human body was as light as a feather. Yet, he found Rin’s body so heavy that he must use all his strength to support her. And she was so fragile that he dared not move his fingers even by an inch just to avoid hurting her. He stood still, saying nothing, until he found Rin fall asleep with smooth breaths and loosened grips. He seated her against the tree and sat beside her to wait for her waking.

His heart was racing, ever since Rin fell into his arms. And it showed no sign of slowing down. He wanted to regain the calm and peace in the heart, since the absence of them made him very uneasy. However, he was also pleased by the frenzy associated with the loss of control and wished it could last a little longer.

With the conflicting thoughts battling secretly, he felt Rin’s weight pressed on him again: She had just leaned aside on his shoulder, wrapped his arm in her own and rested her fingers on his hand. Rin’s scent condensed under his nose and drove his heart to beat even faster.

“Sesshomaru-sama! This Jaken is fetching some medicinal herbs for Rin!” Without another word, the little demon ran off. He spoken to himself, “One more second around there, and I will be dead… I should make sure Rin never sips a single drop of sake again. What if that by her side were another man instead of Sesshomaru-sama? How dangerous that would be!”

Sesshomaru curled his own fingers around Rin’s hand, which was so small as to be easily enveloped. He did not care about his wild heartrate anymore. Instead, he decided to let his turbulent emotion grow and to indulge in the insanity induced by Rin for a moment.

“Sesshomaru… -sama…” Rin murmured, the voice too low to reach anyone else’s ears but his, “I love… you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've only translated two chapters of my original work and have already learnt a great deal about writing in English. It was a dramatically new and interesting experience. I never knew my English was so poor, until I got stuck on choosing the right words again and yet again.
> 
> Happy New Year!


	3. “You may jump off.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin's developing feelings toward Sesshomaru.  
> What does the right to choose mean? What does it mean to grant the right?

Once again, Rin dreamt of her Sesshomaru-sama.

At the break of dawn, he and Jaken, together with A-Un, descended from the sky to pick her up for the first and also the very last time after so many years. When he was close enough and reached out one of his hands, she saw, against the dim sunshine, a vague but warm smile on his face, which imprinted deeply on her mind.

Rin reminisced about the dream, regretful about waking up before taking his hand. She turned her head to watch Sesshomaru, the very person in her dream earlier and seated by her side now. She was tall enough to be able to look at his eyes without having to raise her head when they were both seated. She had grown into a young woman. Others were impressed with changes in her physical appearance, when peer girls were outshined by and boys blushed at her ever-growing feminine attractiveness. She, however, noticed first changes in her own heart.

The idea of “spending the lifetime with someone” was introduced to her when she mentioned to Sesshomaru Kenta’s unexpected confession, which was almost a year ago. Since that day, Rin had been thinking a lot about it. As she obtained a grasp on the meaning of “spending the lifetime” and a clear picture of the specific “someone”, her heart turned sensitive and sentimental. She easily got touched by things that were considered trivial: Inuyasha took Kagome’s hand to help her through the river; Miroku called out to Sango “What’s for dinner tonight” when returning home at sunset. Those things had happened a thousand times before without casting a ripple on her mind. Yet, they would recently stimulate strong feelings in her heart. She felt jealous, for the ladies both had their beloved ones by their sides; she felt sorrowful, for she was always alone by herself. Now she was sure about the person she wished be together with every single moment, she would wonder: Would that person hold her hand or ask her about the dinner in similar scenarios? Then she would immediately feel guilty about raising the question at all, because she considered it a sacrilege to relate that person to such trivia and chores to dull his divine glory. That person was Sesshomaru-sama.

As a matter of fact, Rin was not alone. Quite the opposite, she was often surrounded by people with warm and eager hearts trying to please her, especially so when her guardians were not around. Three months ago, Rin strained her leg muscle in a training with a group of yokai taijiyas. Quite a few young men offered to help her go home regardless of her refusal. Had Inuyasha not been there to stop and to guard her home, they would have seriously fought with each other for the privilege. Later when she stayed home for rest and recovery, they visited one after another trying to keep her company. In the end, Rin had to tell them explicitly, “Please don’t bother and please leave me alone.” Some was discouraged while others never seemed so. She was upset, very. Deep into the night when everything quieted down, she would wish, only if Sesshomaru-sama were here. If he were here, every one of those boys would immediately run away from her, very far away. Why was he not here? Should she ever need to be carried home, she would let no one but Sesshomaru-sama. Why was he not here? She cared none of the boys’ good wishes, but only hoped to hear a greeting from Sesshomaru-sama. Why was he not here? She was so distressed by his absence and yearned so much for his arrival. Why was he not here? …

Just like this, Rin missed Sesshomaru so strongly that she uncontrollably complained about him for putting her in such mental tortures. However, wasn’t he her Kami-sama? Wasn’t she supposed to believe in and obey him unconditionally? How could she ever complain? Rin hence would turn very ashamed of herself, “How can I blame Sesshomaru-sama? He has nothing to do with this… What would Sesshomaru-sama think of me, if he knows about my terrible and unrespectful thoughts? … Am I too weak to live a good life in the absence of Sesshomaru-sama? … I must prove myself worthy to Sesshomaru-sama. I must cheer up and try my best!” The long nights always would end this way with Rin determined to break free from her entangled thoughts. Yet, before long, she would again be trapped and drowned in the swirl of emotions with Sesshomaru at the center, longing, complaining, self-blaming and self-conflicting. With those overwhelming emotions, Rin counted down to the day of his visit, repeatedly each month.

Sesshomaru paid a visit once in a month, never missing one, but only stayed for the day, never longer. Rin’s spirits rose as the date approached. When the day finally was here, she would wake up early and find everything just so perfect: If it was sunny, then the sunshine was the warmest; if it was rainy, then the sound was the touchiest. All the sorrows and troubles she had ever experienced during the month were swept away. She had only one thing on her mind: the expectation of Sesshomaru-sama’s arrival.

Yet, even the perpetual longing for their meeting had been changing during the years.

At the beginning, the things Rin cared the most were where he had been, what he had done and where he would go. She begged Sesshomaru to tell her. He always gave a response, sometimes a detailed description of a recent journey, and sometimes a brief silence meaning “You should not be concerned.” From his said or unsaid words, she learnt about new places and names as well as unelaborated challenges and dangers. She memorized everything he told her, so that she would not be too far behind when she was finally old enough to travel with him – she had been determined, at that early stage, to go back to him once she grew up.

Later, she realized the good side of living in the village and even turned a little sorry that Sesshomaru knew nothing about it. Therefore, besides asking him all the questions, she eagerly shared her everyday life: the persons she met, the skills she learnt, the sweetness of the newly harvested rice, and the chillness of the recently found spring water. Whatever she experienced, however trivial it was, she wanted to tell him. If only the day were long enough for her to finish.

Now, she found herself in an odd situation. She did not know what to say or what to do in front of him. How about asking about his whereabouts last month and plans for the next? Wouldn’t this annoy him? Wasn’t she angry herself with those boys who kept asking where she was going in hope of tagging along? How about commenting on the new essay she just read? Which one was he not familiar with, as he hand-picked all the books for her studies? How about describing the medicinal herbs she helped nurture? He, as a demon, did not need any herbs. How about introducing the new friends she made? He disliked humans in general. As for the skills of riding, archery and fighting, they would just be even more insignificant in the eyes of a warrior like him. If only he would give a hint on his interest, she would not find it so painful to decide on topics of their conversation. With everything up to her, Rin would carefully prepare a list of things that might be less boring for him. However, they were never enough to fill the meeting and silence always kicked in together with embarrassment. When that happened – and it happened often – Rin would purposely stay behind to just watch him.

She was not satisfied with and even loathed herself, for her own strange and stupid behaviors. She was worried that sooner or later Sesshomaru would also be disappointed in her. Or, was he already? If so, what would happen to their agreement? Would he still honor it? “Make your own choice when you grow up.” She always kept his words in mind, as firmly as she held the determination: she would choose Sesshomaru-sama. Yet, then what? She was not eight years old now and she viewed the world differently, seeing both wonders and dangers in a practical instead of fanciful way. It was clear that Sesshomaru was seeking something in this world. What was that? She did not know. How could she help? She did not know. What she was sure of was that she should not attach to him like she used to as an eight-year-old. What would be the point of choosing and following him if she could only be a burden? Wouldn’t he just reject her worthless choice? To be of use to him was what she pursued in all these years, learning and training hard. However, as she was close to the age, she suddenly realized that it was impossible for a weak and mortal human like herself to be of any value to a great demon like him, however hard she tried. Despite the persistent willingness to follow him, she found herself unworthy of the privilege to be in his company and even to make the request.

During their last meeting, Rin was drunken. It was almost sunset when she finally came around to a memory blank, and he was about to leave. Jaken reminded her not to drink sake anymore. She learnt from his intensive tone that she must have said or done something improper. What was it? She couldn’t remember. According to her reticent Sesshomaru-sama, it was “nothing to be worried about.” She was not sure how to interpret that. Did he not care about what she had said or done? Or did he find her deeds too foolish to bear in mind? Rin was not sure which case was worse. She secretly hoped it was neither, but rather that he had truly forgiven her for whatever it was. She tried to project his attitude toward their arrangement. Would it be that he cared too little to even remember? Or would it be that he was so disappointed in this human girl and wanted her to stay out of his yokai world? Or would it be that he was fond of her in some way and willing to have her around? If only he would ever give a tiny hint, she would definitely do as he wished. But he said nothing, nor did he show any facial expressions for her to read.

Rin stared at Sesshomaru’s profile, finding it hard to relate the person in her dream to the real one next to her. The imagined one would reach out to her, say some heart-flipping words and respond to her blushing. The real one, however, always stayed at a subtle distance, not far but not close either. He would sit beside her like now but kept an arm’s length. He was not so frigid as to deliberately dodge her touches, especially not the necessary or accidental ones, but never actively sought any. He saw her flushing every time, when he bumped into her stare or when she met his unexpected gaze. He would not blame her but would not encourage her either. How exactly did he find her feelings?

“Rin, what was the question you were about to ask?” Sesshomaru broke the long silence and turned to her, just to trigger quivers in her staring eyes and a wave of jerking uneasiness through her body. He waited until she calmed down and finished his question, “What story were you referring to?”

Rin made fists of her hands and tried to focus: Just stop the random thinking or he would be leaving soon.

“It’s the story of Iwanaga hime-sama. Ninigi-sama fell in love with her younger sisiter Konohanasakuya hime-sama. Their father Oyamatsumi-sama married both daughters to him. Ninigi-sama chose the beautiful younger sister but had the plain elder sister sent back.” Rin finished reciting the story and asked, “How would you choose, Sesshomaru-sama and Jaken-sama?”

With no immediate response from Sesshomaru, Rin turned to Jaken.

Very readily, Jaken replied, “This Jaken is following Sesshomaru-sama forever. I do not need a wife.”

“Sesshomaru-sama?” She obviously cared much more about his answer.

“They were irrelevant to me.” And he then asked about what was relevant, “What concerned you about this story?”

“Iwanaga hime-sama must have made up her mind to spend her life with Ninigi-sama. But her choice was not accepted in the end. She’s such a poor woman.” Rin looked up at the sky and saw a stringless white kite drifting through.

“She never had the right to choose.” Sesshomaru commented on the story itself, not sure yet what was truly on her mind.

“Right to choose?” Rin was confused, “Who did then?”

“Konohanasakuya.” With no further elaboration, Sesshomaru was carefully thinking about how to explain this concept to her without having to prematurely mention their agreement.

There was a short moment of silence before Jaken filled in, “Of course Iwanaga was not entitled to such a right, as much as I am not either. Do I have any grounds to ‘choose’ to follow Sesshomaru-sama? Absolutely no, because Sesshomaru-sama does not grant the right to me. Rather, I only ‘beg’ to follow Sesshomaru-sama.” Jaken suddenly felt sorry for himself. He blinked a few times to stop tears from welling and then said to Rin with a jealous tone, “Rin, ‘choose as you wish.’ This is something Sesshomaru-sama has said only to you.”

Rin was greatly shocked. She thought carefully, “Was that so, the right to choose? Jaken-sama did not choose but begged to follow Sesshomaru-sama, because Sesshomaru-sama did not allow him such a right. Iwanaga hime-sama did not have the right to choose while her sister did; was it then because Ninigi-sama loved her sister instead of her and her intention of being his wife was never to be recognized?”

“She was poorer than I had thought.” Rin spoke softly to herself.

“Why would that bother you?” Jaken said with a frown, “Rin, do not be so sentimental. If you are sympathetic to Iwanaga, then how about the men you’ve rejected? Do you find them poor? It is truly a serious problem if you do.”

“The men I’ve rejected?” Rin was surprised, “Jaken-sama, how do you know I’ve rejected anyone?” It was true that Rin turned away a few young men who confessed to her. But she mentioned none of them except the first one, Kenta, who she had not known how to properly respond to back then.

“Noctie told us. Sesshomaru-sama would turn so anxious whenever such a message was delivered to him. It’s just unnecessary. How can humans possibly compete with Sessho…” Jaken did not finish his sentence, as Sesshomaru kicked him over.

Rin did not get to see Sesshomaru’s face, since he had turned away before she could. She was astonished: _Why would Sesshomaru-sama be anxious? Does he care for me after all?_

While everyone was silent, a young boy’s voice came from behind, “Please, the big brother over there, could you…”

Sesshomaru glared over his own shoulder at him. His eyes were so sharply cold and scary that the boy froze at once without a chance to properly pull his younger sister to hide behind him. 

Jaken had got back on his feet. He leapt forward with a wave of Nintōjō and yelled at the two human children, “How dare you, filthy little ones? Get away!”

The siblings were frightened by the green demon’s appearance and voice, and even more so at a clearer sight of the two heads on the staff. They fell to the ground and burst into tears.

Rin hurried to them and tried to calm them down. She gently wiped away their tears and stroked their heads. In a comforting voice, she said, “Don’t be afraid, sweethearts. O-Jiisan meant no harm at all. What happened? Just tell this Nesan.”

“The kite. It, it’s stuck in, in the tree…” The little boy said in tears and pointed to a tree not far away from them.

“Is it white? Ah, I see it.” Rin stood up and took the siblings’ hands, “I can get it for you. Let’s go.”

Sesshomaru did not follow. He wanted nothing to do with humans and he knew Rin would come back to him once she sent those little ones away.

He was now completely aware of Rin’s concerns. Judging from the words she said about Iwanaga, she was worried about the choice, unclear about her right to choose and dreadful that he would reject her. Sesshomaru was perplexed. So many things he having or having not done, the sole purpose was to empower her to make her own sincere decision without any confusions or hesitations. Despite his efforts to not mislead her, why did she become so disoriented and doubtful? Why would she even question her own right? Did this Sesshomaru not give her enough confidence or sense of security? Was that because he had been hiding his desire to be chosen? He revealed no affections to her, because he knew she would be too ready to do what he wanted to think things over. However, did his lack of action turn out confusing her instead?

“Sesshomaru-sama, Rin can’t get down from the tree.”

Jaken’s voice interrupted his thoughts. He turned around and saw Rin up in the tree, almost three times her own height off the ground. Those two children had run away with the kite.

Rin sat sideways on a bough, holding tightly on to the trunk with her arms. She tried to reach the closest branch beneath with her toes, but it was two feet too far away. She thought to herself, “What should I do? I can take a leap toward that branch. With such a small gap to cover, I probably can land right on the spot. But that branch seems so thin. I will fall immediately if it breaks.” She was debating in her mind as Sesshomaru and Jaken came close.

“It seems the twig she stepped on to get up there has broken off. That’s why she can’t get down now.” Jaken stared at the tiny branch on the ground and murmured.

“Rin,” Sesshomaru called her attention before giving a suggestion, “You may jump off.”

Rin got the advice but was unable to follow. Jump? From high up here? It was so easy for Sesshomaru-sama, but never for her. She stared at the ground, terrified by a sudden sense of falling and crashing. She couldn’t help trembling, with her stomach lifted to the throat.

Jaken knew Rin was hesitant and afraid. With some thinking, he plucked up the courage to say to his master, “Sesshomaru-sama, please forgive me for being rude…”

What Jaken wanted to say was “You surely will catch Rin. But how can she know if you do not say anything?” However, he found it unnecessary to finish the sentences:

Sesshomaru focused his eyes on Rin and reached out his arms toward her.

“You have the right to choose.” He made sure she heard the words.

Rin gazed at Sesshomaru’s open arms. Her heart danced wildly at the throat, due to the height maybe, but certainly due to his subtle and yet affectionate smile. With his welcoming gesture, she did not need another word to understand the message: “I will catch you, if you choose to jump off; I will accept your decision, since I have granted you the right to choose.” That was the message in this situation as well as for their agreement in the near future.

“Sesshomaru-sama!” Rin called him loudly and jumped off the tree with her arms widely open.

As bright white light glided through, Sesshomaru fetched her safely halfway in the air.

The moment Rin won her balance back on the ground, Sesshomaru released her. He stepped back before she could hear his pounding heartbeat. Rin for the first time did not find the withdrawal frustrating. She was now completely clear about the hidden information that came along with the privilege he had entitled her to: “Being one of the choices, I hope to be chosen. Having granted you the right to choose, I will accept your decision.” She needed not worry that Sesshomaru would reject her, nor needed she dwell on his lack of response to her own feelings. When she made the choice, he would definitely accept everything of her. By that time, all she should do was follow her own heart.

“Sesshomaru-sama,” Rin grinned at him radiantly, “Thank you! Rin is very grateful.”

Sesshomaru knew the burden on her mind was removed. A small smile flashed in his eyes.

“Haha-ueeee,” Guihua’s chirping voice came across through the breeze, “Look at the kite! It’s so up high in the sky!”

In the grass field, Jaken was running in the front with a string roll. Harero followed with his sister Guihua on his back. A colorful kite in the shape of a fish flew steadily against the clear blue sky.

Rin waved back at them with a bright smile. Sesshomaru sat together with her in the shadow of the tree.

“Sesshomaru, do you remember, the boy and his little sister?” Rin turned around to her husband, “Their kite was stuck in the tree. I helped them save the kite but could not get down afterwards.”

Of course, he did. He remembered everything about Rin. That was almost twenty years ago.

“It’s almost twenty years, isn’t it?” Rin smiled, “It was on that day that I learnt Sesshomaru-sama held Rin dear in his heart.”

Sesshomaru looked at Rin’s eyes, which were full of happiness, and said with a plain voice, “I always do.”

Rin was quite used to the unforeseeable romance her husband was capable of throwing at her, and was also used to blushing at it every single time just like she was now. It was still a wonder to her how he could leave her so emotional in such an unemotional way of speaking. Probably it was because he meant and kept every single word. She mimicked the voice of the fourteen-year-old girl who she used to be and said, “But I had no idea until that day. Sessomaru-sama reached out his arms and said to Rin, ‘You have the right to choose.’ It was then that I realized Sesshomaru-sama had been waiting for Rin all that time.”

“Had you known nothing before that? Why would I visit an irrelevant human every month?” Sesshomaru felt slightly regretful: maybe he should not have been that rigorous.

“I knew you cared about me. But that did not mean you would accept me. After all, until that day, you had never even indicated the willingness to be chosen, nor had you reciprocated to my feelings. I thought my affections had been one-sided. It nearly discouraged me from choosing you.” Rin recalled the dreamy days full of fluttering or sunken heart, glad they eventually led her here.

“I had.” Sesshomaru looked serious, a little more than he usually did, “I had indicated as well as reciprocated. But not to the extent that you would have noticed.”

“Huh? Really? You had?” Rin was astounded, “It shouldn’t count if I did not notice. Right?”

“Should you learn of my feelings, you would never have considered other possibilities.” Sesshomaru was not sorry for his plan back then, “You needed to know…”

Rin sealed his mouth with a kiss before he could finish – this was what he would do to her in some cases where she was unnecessarily stubborn.

Before the change in their scents became significant enough to alarm the children, she pulled back from his chest. “Still, I never needed other possibilities.” Rin said softly and yet resolutely with melting eyes, “You, I only need you.”

Sesshomaru acknowledged with a nod. He was quite glad that was the case; otherwise, he would not know how his life would have turned out. He gently wiped clean the balm smudged off the lip line for her and said, “I know. And I made sure that day to tell you explicitly that I wanted you to jump into my arms, did I not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New characters:  
> Harero: Rin and Sesshomaru's first son. His name is supposed to mean the clear sky.  
> Guihua: Rin and Sesshomaru's daughter. Her name means a beautiful girl.
> 
> The original fiction was completed years ago and had nothing to do with the on-going Hanyo no Yashahime series.


	4. "Rin is not at home."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would Rin ever miss her meeting with Sesshomaru?  
> What's the cause if she did?  
> How would Sesshomaru react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the Chapter of "It's your birthday." it's mentioned that Rin spent her 15th birthday in the mountain and refused to see Sesshomaru for three months. This chapter tells what led to that.

“Sesshomaru, you are so early today.” Kaede saw Sesshomaru and his servant in front of her hut, when she returned with a bundle of firewood in the arms. They came earlier and earlier each month. Today, she had not even cooked the breakfast.

“Rin is not at home. You already know, don’t you?” She set the firewood on the ground, expecting questions.

Sesshomaru knew, of course. He had not sensed Rin’s scent around in the village. That’s why he came directly to the hut to see the old miko, surprised and concerned.

“Is that true?” Jaken didn’t believe it, “Sesshomaru-sama is coming today. Rin must be expecting us. How can she not be at home?”

“She is not.” Kaede confirmed.

“Where is she?” Sesshomaru asked.

“I don’t know exactly. About twenty days ago, a hunter found the herb called the Ploud. The taijiya leader gathered a score of people and hiked into the mountain to look for one. Rin went with them.”

“Twenty days ago?” Jaken gaped at her, “Is that herb so hard to get?”

“The Ploud is very rare. It does not have a preferred habitat or blooming season and it hardly leaves any traces behind. One should really catch the chance and get the herb, before it disappears into the clouds.” Kaede explained slowly with an aged voice, “Rin said she wanted the herb and must get one herself. She also told me she would be back for your meeting. You wouldn’t mind waiting for a while, I assume? However, as I have said, the Ploud is very hard to locate. She really shouldn’t have expected to get one in just twenty days, not even with another month.”

With those words, Kaede picked up the firewood and went to the kitchen.

Sesshomaru walked up a hill from which he had the entire village under his eyes. He looked around searching for Rin, but it was in vain. He had arrived expecting to see her waving and smiling at him as usual, only to find out that she was nowhere to be seen. He was upset.

“Maybe Rin has been hiding somewhere for some reason waiting for us to find her.” Although Jaken didn’t think Rin would play such a stupid game, he found it even more unbelievable that Rin was out on this particular day. He proposed to ask around and quickly ran away upon receiving the permission.

Sesshomaru then sat down on a boulder, waiting, alone.

The silky mist of the morning cleared up as the sun rose in the sky.

“Sesshomaru-samaaa,” Jaken panted his way up the hill, “I’ve checked out… a lot of places… but have not seen Rin. I also asked a lot of people. They, all told me Rin went with the taijiyas to search for the Ploud. She is really gone.”

Sesshomaru almost lost his patience, together with the sense of time. He wondered why on earth an herb could be so important to even cause her to miss their monthly meeting.

He sought an answer in their past conversations. She said, Jinenji taught her to tell apart two closely related herbs, the curative Green Zi and the poisonous White Zi, which were different only in the color of the mark at the bottom of the stem. She said, the yokai taijiyas showed her a terrifying-looking yokai that turned out very easily intimidated by human voice. She said, she was close to finish studying the poem collection he had given her, and would like to have a new one…

Sesshomaru found the anomaly: What she said was becoming less and less related to this Sesshomaru. In the beginning, she would ask where he had been and where he would go, again and again until he eventually gave an answer or ordered her to shut up. Everything was about him at that time. Then, besides asking those questions, she started sharing her life in the village, what she had done and what she wanted to do. She spent longer and longer talking about herself, as she developed interests in and learnt more and more things. Her attention, once solely focused on him, was gradually turned away. Especially, ever since he assured her the right to choose a few month ago, she had never brought up a single question about him.

Sesshomaru was alarmed. He had concerned himself with nothing but Rin’s happiness and safety, but now could not help fearing for the possibility that she might not care about him that much anymore. Rin soon would turn fifteen and it was about time for her to make the choice. Why, at this critical point, was she turning away from him? Sesshomaru panicked. Should this Sesshomaru do something to keep her? No, he should not, because that would be against her true will. Should he then just watch her go farther and farther? No, he could not bear the loss. Sesshomaru paced back and forth, not sure what to do.

The sun had sailed halfway through the western sky when dark clouds started gathering.

“Sesshomaru-sama, it’s getting late. Soon it’ll start pouring.” Jaken glanced at the thick clouds and conjectured, “Rin is not likely to be back today.”

Every question Sesshomaru had pondered anxiously earlier that day was long gone, not because he finally found any answers, but because they were infinitesimally minor compared with Rin’s safety, which potentially was at stake right now. Was she injured? Or was she caught in the rain? Or did she run into yokais or bandits?

His nerves turned tense. A bright lightening pierced the sky. A booming thunder tightly followed, traveling across from the distant mountain. Against the loud overwhelming noise, Sesshomaru distinguished a familiar soft voice trembling in fear. He immediately took off into the wind.

Rin opened her eyes and saw Kaede pulling a blanket over up her shoulders.

“Kaede-sama,” She asked, “How did I get back?”

Rin remembered rushing back with Noctie, only to be caught in the storm. Her rain cape had been blown away long before, and her feet was soaked and numb. Hungry and exhausted, she could not get back on her feet after tripping over. The only thing she felt besides coldness was the pain caused by the rapid raindrops hitting on her body, especially on the eyelids. Before passing out, she subconsciously cried out something, a name, _his_ name, the sound of which didn’t travel very far before being drowned in the thunder. Then all of a sudden, she was back in the hut, warm and dry. She took a glance at the burning candle and knew it was after nightfall. What felt like a moment to her was actually the early evening, which Kaede and Kagome had spent cleaning and warming her up.

“Sesshomaru brought you back. I really don’t know how he was able to detect from here…”

“Sesshomaru-sama!” Rin jerked upright, interrupting her, “Where is he?”

“Just lie down, or you’ll catch a cold.” Kaede pressed her down on the futon, “He’s outside. Stay in the bed. I’ll get him.”

Kaede tucked her in and left. Moments later, Sesshomaru raised the door curtain and came in.

To his surprise, Rin was sitting on her heels and bending over, with her forehead touching the floor and palms stacked in the front. She said loudly, “Sesshomaru-sama, I am very sorry! I am late.”

“What is this for?” Sesshomaru strode to her to lift her up.

Rin lowered her body even more and said, “Sesshomaru-sama, Rin has made a great mistake. Rin did not get back in time to see you today.”

“I am not blaming you.” Sesshomaru knelt on one knee by her and grabbed her shoulders to once again help her up.

“But I am blaming myself.” Rin wouldn’t budge. She wept, “I, I missed the meeting w, with Sesshomaru-sama, for merely an, an herb. I finally can see you after so long, but I, I…”

“What is the point of kneeling down before me, when you are the one unwilling to forgive?”

Rin was silenced with a momentary blank mind. Before she could react and resist, Sesshomaru quickly pulled her up to sit and wrapped the blanket firmly around her.

It was at that instant that Rin saw Sesshomaru’s face and eyes, both haunted by worries. She once again burst into repeated apologies.

It was a lie that Sesshomaru had not been angry at all. However, his anger had worn off and turned into anxiety and even fear as it got late. When he found Rin lying in the rain, unconscious and drenched, he felt nothing but heartbreak. He actually did blame someone for what had happened; it was himself, not her.

“Noctie has told me everything. You are not late. You are back.” He sat by her and tried to comfort her.

“ _You_ brought me back.” Rin’s eyes were welling up again, fixed not on him but on the floor, “Rin did not get back in time and even caused trouble for you again. I should have started off one day earlier. Why, why didn’t I? … I was too, too terrible.”

“Rin,” Sesshomaru seized her hand, his heart aching at her words, “The only thing wrong you did was fail to call me earlier. It was foolish to be on you own in the rain.”

“No!” Rin turned to him with a firm gaze and argued, even still in tears, “It’s not foolish. I want to be on my own. I cannot rely on you for everything. I want to be able to do things by myself, when you are not around.”

Sesshomaru was shocked, his heart skipping a beat and his hand retracted. His mind was echoed with confusion and fright, “‘Cannot rely on me’, does it mean she plans to separate from me?”

With a knock on the door frame, Kaede lifted the curtain to let Jaken through with a bowl in his hands, and then followed in herself. 

“Rin, here’s some porridge for you.” Jaken handed her the bowl, pretending not to see her wipe away her tears.

Rin had been hungry for almost half a day, and her stomach was begging for food. She set aside the spoon and drank directly from the bowl. Swallowing one mouthful after another, she gradually felt the warmth flowing through the body.

Kaede came up to the futon and pulled back up the blanket, which had just slipped off Rin’s shoulders, to keep her warm. Sesshomaru stood up and stepped aside to make room for the miko.

“Rin, were you on your own? Where were the others?” Kaede asked.

Rin nodded, “They probably are still in the mountain. I left early in a hurry to return for Sesshomaru-sama.”

“How could they let you go by yourself?” Kaede complained.

“The weather was good when I took off. I thought I should be fine.” Rin explained and regretted once again not departing one day earlier.

“How about the Ploud? Have you found one?” Kaede continued asking, with a negative answer expected.

“No.” Despite the pain and regret that were torturing her all due to seeking the herb, she still found it a pity to have come back empty-handed.

“Another group of people are leaving for a different mountain for the herb, in five days. Are you going?” Again, Kaede seemed to know her answer in advance. She indifferently added something both discouraging and encouraging, “They plan to search in the wild for three months. It is a long time, but I have to say it is much more reasonable and promising.”

Rin replied eagerly the instant the last bit of porridge went down her throat, “Yes! I’m going.”

Sesshomaru was stunned and couldn’t believe his ears. Three months?! He turned around only to spot her eyes radiating with great determination.

“Of course I’m going.” She repeated.

“Rin,” Jaken frowned upon her answer, “Does that mean you won’t be back for the next meeting, the one after that, and even the second one after? Sesshomaru-sama spent the entire day waiting for and worrying about you. You know that, right?”

Rin looked toward Sesshomaru and met his questioning gaze. She could not tell what else was exactly in his eyes, maybe disbelief, maybe disappointment, maybe disapproval, or maybe all of them.

“Sesshomaru-sama, Rin is late today and cannot forgive herself. No excuses. I accept any punishments you please to execute.” Then her soft and apological voice turned decisive, “However, I must go and look for the Ploud. I must find one.”

Rin straightened her torso and bowed her head solemnly, “Please postpone the next meeting to three months from now.”

Sesshomaru did not reply.

She then added, “I will be back by then. I promise.”

Still silent and expressionless, Sesshomaru stared at her, not revealing any single thought on his mind.

Jaken knew that his master was unhappy but also unwilling to discourage Rin, so he said for him, “Rin, it is too dangerous for a human girl like you to stay in the maintain for that long. Where is the herb? Just name the mountain. I can get it for you.”

“No.” Rin shook her head readily, “I must go, or I cannot affirm myself.”

“Affirming yourself?” Jaken was confused, “What is that for?”

Rin bit her bottom lip, more than willing to give an explanation but not sure how to make it clear.

“Permitted.” Sesshomaru understood now, that herb was more important than this Sesshomaru to her.

Undoubtedly, everyone sensed his gloom and reluctance.

Jaken filled in and suggested, “Rin, which mountain are you heading for? It’s fine if you don’t want a hand, but Sesshomaru-sama and I can just drop by. Especially, your birthday is coming up, isn’t it?”

“No.” Rin gave another immediate refusal, “I will be distracted if Sesshomaru-sama is around.”

Sesshomaru’s eyes widened even a little more, with astonishment. Her birthday was the only day on which he surely would visit besides the ones following the new moons. She had always looked specially forward to the birthday meetings. Why was she skipping this one? He used to go to battlefields alone, leaving her behind to wait, sometimes indefinitely. Now the table turned, and he had to wait for her return. Well, at least she did give a clear time frame – three months, that was.

After a long silence, he finally calmed down enough and declared, “You may go. I will come in three months.”

Without saying another word to convey his unquenched anger, he was on his way out.

“Sesshomaru-sama!” Rin hurried and stood up, shouting to keep him from leaving. The blanket fell off her shoulders to the ground.

He stopped, involuntarily, not turning around though.

“Sesshomaru-sama,” Rin softened the voice and tentatively requested, “Could you please stay for a little longer? I still have a lot to say to you… But only if you wish to hear.”

Of course, Sesshomaru wished to hear. But he also desired to leave, so that he would not be tortured by witnessing her making every step into the mountain and away from him. He stood still, debating.

Kaede picked up the blanket and got up on her feet. Instead of throwing it over Rin, which she would fail to accomplish anyway since Rin was so much taller than her now, she turned to Sesshomaru and shoved it into his hands. She uttered with a cough, “Rin, keep it short. You need to rest. And Jaken, you should come with me.” She grabbed Jaken and left the room.

Rin kept her eyes firmly on Sesshomaru, knowing perfectly that he was able to disappear in less than a blink of time. What would she do if he did disappear? She spared no time to think about it, only trying to lock him in her own eyes.

Sesshomaru turned around and walked back, moments after he was left alone with Rin, to take care of her.

Rin’s furrowed eyebrows didn’t get a single moment of relaxation, since he did not shine a look at her to allow one. He came up to stand in front of her, eyes avoiding her face. His right hand reached behind her to meet the blanket in his left hand. For an instant, she hoped, and she thought, he was going to hug her. But he did not. He simply pulled open the blanket and covered her up. With a plain voice, he commanded, “Sit down, Rin.”

Sesshomaru tried hard not to meet her eyes, knowing he would surely crush her to his own chest the moment he did, for a release of both anger and love. He was very close to do so, when Rin was literally surrounded by his arms and just a squeeze away. He did not, because she wanted him to give her time and space, which she had made very clear in a very stubborn way. Seeing Rin follow his order and sit down, he took a seat by the futon and fell silent, facing the candle.

“Sesshomaru-sama,” Rin tried calling his attention, not sure if she still completely had it, “I’m not a little girl anymore. I’ve learnt a lot, knowledge-wise and skill-wise. I want to find a Ploud on my own and prove myself worthy. Would you acknowledge that?”

Sesshomaru gave no answer, which was not that usual to her. He surely knew the desire to affirm oneself and fully respected it. He just did not understand why she was so adamant about not relying on him.

“Three months. I will be back on time.” Rin stretched out one hand for his sleeve that fanned out on the floor but could not reach it, as he was just too far away.

“Rin, as I have said, you may go.” His voice was faintly aloof.

Rin knew he was still angry.

“Sesshomaru-sama, Rin does not want to be a burden to you. I want to accomplish something by myself, so that in the future…” Picturing the future in her mind, Rin was about to say “so that in the future I can help with your fight side by side”, but she hesitated upon a second thought: When did Sesshomaru-sama ever need anyone’s help in a battle?

“What about the future?” Sesshomaru turned his eyes toward her, nervous inside.

“In the future, I, I can be together with you…” Rin flushed and dodged his gaze. Realizing the ambiguity in the words, she quickly tried clarifying with “To fight the enemies…”, only to find her own face even hotter due to being just partially honest.

Sesshomaru was pleasantly shaken by the suggestion in her words as well as by the way she delivered it. She used to express her emotions very frankly by repeatedly announcing she missed him and asking whether he missed her back. She also used to say she wanted to leave with him and was ready to go right away. Later at some point, her childish bluntness disappeared. Instead, she would bite her tongue and blush shyly at some unexpected moments, with a spike in her aroma. Every time she did, he felt his own heart racing.

It had been a while since she last said anything so affectionate. Although it sounded indefinite and really could mean “being together” in several different ways, it certainly didn’t look indefinite and didn’t smell indefinite. She might change her mind later and Sesshomaru would allow that. But for now, she wanted him as part of her future, and he was greatly satisfied and pleased.

Rin peeked at Sesshomaru, her cheeks still burning, and found a small smile at the corner of his lips. It was then that she finally relaxed and sighed with relief. With a pull on the blanket, she leaned forward to move closer to him and started talking vividly about her adventures in the mountain.

“Once again, she is saying things unrelated to this Sesshomaru.” He thought to himself. Still, he listened with his full attention, until she was finally too tired to carry on and hit the pillow. He snuffed out the candle and took his leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was translating this chapter, Ep 14 of HoY was released and SessRin was virtually announced canon.  
> I'm really happy that SessRin is now canon. I've loved them for nearly 10 years. It's like dream come true to find them married and have kids.  
> Meanwhile, I'm also a little sad since my stories about them have been denied in some sense, as they now have an official life together as well as birth-certified children. I still love the three kids who I imagined they had, but the feelings are just different.


	5. “The choice, would you honor it?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first meeting after a three-month separation.   
> Rin was ready to make her choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New character:  
> Datura: the daughter of the Taisho of nine-tailed foxes. She waited for Sesshomaru outside of the village to ask for help, but unconsciously brought an enemy to him. This resulted in Sesshomaru's injury on the forearm.  
>   
> Cultural background:  
> Seijin-shiki: a ceremony to celebrate a young man or woman to come of age. This culturally came from ancient China. In old times, the ceremony was held for men at the age of 15 or older and for women at 13 or older. 
> 
> \------
> 
> I think this is the right point to fill in part of the story line.  
> *** Spoiler alert for readers who plan to go through the complete Chinese version ***
> 
>   
> While Rin lived in the village, the Feudal Japan came to an end. Toyotomi Hideyoshi took control of the country part by part, starting from the west, through the middle and to the north. (The original Inuyasha story actually happened decades before the era of Toyotomi Hideyoshi. So essentially I made some change to the history here. The reason was that I wanted humans to live a peaceful life. As to what would follow with this peaceful life, I will leave it to notes of later chapters.)  
> During the previous decades, missionaries from Europe had promoted Christianity across the country. Toyotomi Hideyoshi immediately banned this religion and deported all missionaries when he rose to power.  
> However, some were left behind:  
> 1\. A sacred cross was gifted to Rin by an old missionary.  
> 2\. Two vampires who had sneaked into Japan stayed and were looking across the country for divine relics that could enable them to revenge on Christian churches back in their home country. 
> 
> The vampires captured the Taisho of nine-tailed foxes. Datura, the daughter of the Taisho, managed to escape with only a wound on her arm.  
> Datura had admired Sesshomaru since she first met him three hundred years ago when her father took her to visit Inu no Taisho's family. Datura wanted to ask Sesshomaru to help her rescue her father. She was told that he would come to the village every month, so she waited there for him.  
> Sesshomaru came to the village on the afternoon of the new moon day. He refused to lend Datura a hand and threatened to kill her if she did not leave. To his surprise, a bat emerged from Datura's bleeding wound, turned into a foreign man and attacked him. Then that man quickly turned around, grabbed Datura, changed back to a bat, before being hit by Bakusaiga, and escaped.

The new moon set with the sun, leaving the sky lonely and tranquil. The village was gradually slipping into the night, as candles and torches softly lit up huts and roads. A shimmery silver barrier acted as a blanket over the village, protecting its people as well as their homes.

Sesshomaru strode directly across the barrier, with his servant, however, miserably filtered outside the village. Kaede and Miroku, the maintainers of the barrier seated right next to its inner boundary, were both surprised to see the great demon. This barrier was set up to prevent yokais from entering but seemed pathetically ineffective against him, even though it had been enhanced over and over. Yet, that just contributed to a tiniest bit of their surprise; after all they never expected to be able to challenge him in terms of power and strength. What they truly found bizarre was that he arrived early this time, earlier by one day, which had never happened due to his disciplined punctuality. Sesshomaru paid no attention to the humans and took off to fly toward the hut outside of which stood a familiar silhouette.

“Sesshomaru-samaaaa.” Rin had seen him the moment he appeared on the horizon, long before he actually entered the barrier. She stood on her tip toes, waving and beaming at him, with great surprise.

She was waiting for him the whole evening, even though their meeting was scheduled for the next day. In fact, she had been waiting for ten days straight, ever since she came back from the mountain. She did know he was highly unlikely to come any time sooner than the actually meeting day, but she couldn’t help staring into the distance, day and night, hoping to miraculously sight him there. She missed him more than anytime before and longed for this particular meeting more than ever. It’s just understandable, since she hadn’t seen him for three months and she had found what she had desired.

Sesshomaru landed in front of her, receiving her welcomingly sweet smile. _Thin,_ he thought she was. Did she not have enough food in the mountain?

“Sesshomaru-sama, it’s so great to finally see you again!” Rin chirped. She was so excited that she almost jumped forward to him the moment he stepped on the ground.

He had chosen the very landing spot so that neither he nor she needed to take another step toward each other to reach their usual comfortable distance. However, she did. And that made them close. Even reducing the distance further, Rin seized one of his hands with both of hers. This gave him a substantial pause.

Rin had pictured a thousand scenarios to finally meet him after three months of separation. She would like to announce her achievements, to express how much she missed him and to affirm that she would never want to be parted from him again. Yet, at this moment, she was able to say nothing, with her heart throbbing at the throat blocking all the words. She just securely encased his hand in hers, unwilling to let it go. His hand was cool but not enough to soothe her burning heart.

Sesshomaru felt rough calluses and scars on Rin’s hands; he had no idea how and when they had got rooted in her delicate skin. Rin had never done such a bold thing before as a deliberate skin touch for the sole purpose of being in physical contact. He had also suppressed his own urges to touch her by always keeping a courteous distance. Their hands had never been joint in this way for such a long while. With every second passing, he could feel Rin’s pulse pounding under her flesh and also his own heart resonating with inflamed elation. He was not sure how long Rin planned to keep him locked like this, but he was willing to allow as long as she wished. Yet, there was a question he must ask first, before thinking too much about her grip.

“Sesshomaru-sama,” Rin was the quicker one to raise a question though, “Are you injured?” She gasped as she stared at his sleeve stained with blood. The delight that had overflown her face was all of a sudden replaced by anxiety.

“Nothing severe. It has healed.”

Before hearing the whole answer, Rin had gently rolled up his sleeve to check the wound. Indeed, not even a scar was left there.

“Sesshomaru-sama is always this powerful!” Smile returned to her face, as her hands retrieved his and her heart recovered the frenetic flutter.

“Sesshomaru-sama, where have you been for the past three months? Do you have some special things to attend to, since you’ve arrived early? Have you run into other demons? I found a Ploud and have extracted the elixir. Would you care for a look? …” One question after another, Rin gave Sesshomaru no time to answer any. On one hand, she had brewed so many words in the past three months to say to him; she just hoped to pour out every thought on her mind all at once, not to leave a single one behind. On the other, she wanted to keep his attention on her words instead of her hands for as long as possible, so that she could clasp his presence physically and wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment when silence set in.

“Sesshoo-maruuu-sama!” Jaken finally panted his way to the hut.

“Jaken-sama!” That was when Rin released Sesshomaru’s hand and squatted down to throw Jaken a firm hug, which squeezed quite a few coughs out of him, “I’m so happy to see you again!”

“Rin, what happened in the mountain?” Sesshomaru had seen enough abnormal behaviors of Rin this evening. The way she overacted physically and emotionally just reminded him in multiple senses of someone who had barely escaped death. And he knew she was still bleeding even at this moment. He asked the question he had been holding, “Where are you wounded?”

Rin stood up, leaving Jaken to catch his breath, and turned to Sesshomaru, her eyes lit up with glee and pride, “There were a few accidents. My comrades helped me through. Everyone was safe in the end. I only got several scratches and they are long gone.”

Comrades? Who exactly? Had she found them so reliable that she had not called this Sesshomaru when in danger? And why was she even lying about the wounds?

“Rin, don’t…” Jaken gave his own chest a few pats and said, “Don’t lie. Sesshomaru-sama must have smelt your blood.”

Rin flushed instantly, and her smile froze with embarrassment.

“No, no… I’m not lying… It’s… It’s just…” She felt her tongue twisting. The words were at the edge of her mouth, but just wouldn’t come out.

“Another lie.” Jaken blamed, “Sesshomaru-sama never gets anything wrong, especially when it comes to smells.”

Rin lowered her head and stared at the ground, her left hand tightly squeezed by her right one. Against the dim candlelight flowing through the door behind, her expressions, together with the buried emotions, were safely shadowed and hidden. But not from him, who paid special attention to her with extraordinary vision even in the dark.

“Rin, you don’t have to disclose your secret if you wish not to.” Sesshomaru could tell that she was nervous and embarrassed, but not because she was lying. Instead, it was due to another reason, which was anatomical, natural, and very apparent. Now he knew it, he wondered why it took him so long to realize it. “I know what it is about.” He added.

Rin’s gaze returned to him with a glow of surprise. She asked eagerly, “Is that true? Sesshomaru-sama, do you really know?”

Sesshomaru gave no answer. He knew he did not need to repeat himself, as Rin asked that question more to release her trapped emotions than to get a confirmation.

“Sesshomaru-sama, it’s more than a year now. It just coincidentally covers today this time.” Rin turned her eyes away from him again. His knowledge of this issue particular to human women eased it a little for her to finally bring it up, but did not eliminate all the awkwardness.

Jaken gaped at Rin, searching rapidly in his head for the thing she and his master were referring to. And finally, he got it. “Oh! It’s that! That monthly bloody flow of human women.”

Now it became explicit. Rin had been advised not to talk about such a private issue with anyone else, especially not with men. Yet, all of a sudden, her secret was exposed to two men. During the first several months after her first flow, she had prayed and prayed that it would not happen on the day of their meeting, believing and dreading that Sesshomaru would find it, and her, filthy and disgusting. She had been blessed and he had never found her with menses. Later, her worry wore off, as she learnt that he would accept everything of her as a human. _A little blood shouldn’t matter then._ She even plotted to tell him to make it clear that she was a grown woman and ready to choose. Again, kami-sama answered her call and reset the cycle during her stay in the wild mountain. Now he knew.

“Does it bother you?” Not sure whom to look at, Rin kept her stare at a little pebble on the ground. She had thought about this question: Just let the answer be “no”! Oherwise, otherwise… Well, it was part of her as a human woman. What could she possibly do? Whoever was bothered should deal with it.

“Yes.” Jaken immediately gave his answer, but then greatly regretted it as he caught a glance of a piercing glare from Sesshomaru and an offended frown from Rin. He quickly explained, “Because I’ll need to take care of you when you are with us again. Surely you need some stuff for it, right? I must know what they are called and where to get them.”

Rin was apological for misunderstanding him and also very grateful. She replied, “Thank you, Jaken-sama, but I can take care of myself.”

Then, it came to this very person, whose attitude she cared about the most. She turned to him, waiting for his answer.

“No.” Sesshomaru met her gaze, secretly familiarizing himself with the subtle difference in the smell from pure blood, “You should rest assured that I will not mistake you being healthy for being wounded or vice versa anymore.”

Rin indulged herself in the kindness and tenderness the two demons had just expressed to her, before picking up where she had left off. She said in a serious voice, “Back then the first time, Kaede-sama claimed that I was a grown woman. But I didn’t think that way, because I was too weak then, both physically and mentally. I was just, useless.” Rin reflected on her memories for a short while, which Sesshomaru patiently waited for.

“It’s different now.” Rin turned cheerful, her eyes beaming with pride and a sense of achievement, “I do think I have truly grown up. I have found a Ploud, and it serves as my trophy of coming of age, even though I never will have a seijin-shiki held by my late father.”

Rin took her time smiling at Sesshomaru, hoping he understood now, if he had not, why she had been so stubbornly captivated by the herb and even willing to trade their time together for it.

Sesshomaru did not make any comments, as he knew she was not finished. He was still waiting.

Rin’s smile faded. She held her gaze steadily at his and asked in a manner as solemn as possible, “Sesshomaru-sama, the choice, would you honor it?”

Sesshomaru watched Rin’s eyes, which were veiled by the shadow and did not reveal their true color. It was only a moment since she turned stern, but he already missed her vivid smile. That choice. It was time. What did the fate plan for him? Would he ever see her smile again? She had insisted on making a personal achievement as a mental seijin-shiki without any help from this Sesshomaru. Did that mean she would choose to live without him? Then, why was she so attached to him earlier this evening, physically? Sesshomaru had never found Rin’s mind so hard to read. Or, was the problem actually with him? Was he overinterpreting her actions? Then what was preventing him from making proper judgments?

“Rin, your seijin-shiki will be held tomorrow.” Sesshomaru announced, “After that, you can make your choice.”

Both Jaken and Rin were astonished and confused. Seijin-shiki? In the sense of a real ceremony?

“Jaken, now go and inform Kaede and others.” Sesshomaru commanded.

When Jaken was gone, Sesshomaru sat down with Rin, just as usual, to hear her stories and answer her questions. Meanwhile, he was thinking about other issues. In his absence, Datura had lingered nearby for a long time. Then they, his attackers, must have learnt about the connection between him and this village. Very soon, their malicious stench would reach here. If Rin chose to stay, what should he use as excuses to stay around to protect her? During his hundreds of years of demon life, it was the first time that he felt complete and helpless loss of control of his own future.


	6. “Please take me with you.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin found a Ploud and claimed it was her mental seijin-shiki. Sesshomaru decided to hold a real ceremony for her.  
> Who would tie her obi?  
> Who would trim her hair?  
> What would Rin say?  
> What would others say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:  
> The procedure of the seijin-shiki in this chapter is by no means the standard in ancient Japan. I have simplified the ritual for two reasons:  
> 1\. I do not have a good knowledge about it, sadly because I don't understand Japanese to look it up thoroughly.  
> 2\. The genpuku (for men) and mogi (for women) rituals, which were the traditional seijin-shiki, were originally for noble and samurai classes only. When they outspread to ordinary people later, the formats were greatly modified. 
> 
> Names of Miroku and Sango's children:  
> (As I mentioned, this work was written more than eight years ago, when Hanyo no Yashahime was not aired. I had to make up the names for the children.)  
> Enou （鸳鸯） and Oumu （鹦鹉）: the twin girls' names.  
> Koukoku （鸿鹄）: the boy's name.  
> \- Sango's （珊瑚） and Kohaku's （琥珀）names both meant a kind of jewel, and the the kanji forms had the same left part which indicated jewel.  
> \- So, I named Sango't children in a way that they were all a rare kind of bird with a good meaning and that the kanji forms all had the same part indicating bird.
> 
> Maki: Inuyasha and Kagome's daughter.

It was early in the morning, before the village fully woke up to a bright sunny sky.

“Sesshomaru.” Inuyasha’s loud voice had arrived at Kaede’s hut before he showed up. He jumped forward to his demon brother, who sat by a tree near the door, and eagerly questioned, “Kagome told me your arm was covered in blood last night. Who hurt you?”

Sesshomaru slowly opened his eyes, calling a fraction of his attention back to Inuyasha from crouching enemies in the wild woods around the village. He was standing guard for Rin, and slightly partially for Inuyasha, who had just turned back to his hanyo form maybe a short while ago. He smirked, “Inuyasha, are you showing concern for your elder brother?”

“Pffft. I couldn’t care less about you. Instead, I won’t let you get away if you allow any demons to tail here.”

“Watch your words, hanyo! It is Sesshomaru-sama who scares away other demons to keep you safe, by frequenting this village. It was new moon last night and you were…”

“Shut up, Jaken, or I will kill you.” Sesshomaru gave the little demon a glare.

Jaken covered his mouth immediately, before the remaining half of his life slipped through his breaths. He was just back from fetching the item as Sesshomaru had requested. It had been a long night and he was tired and drowsy. Yet, his master’s threat, together with Inuyasha’s shouts, startled him wide awake.

“Inuyashaaa, why are you… here? I told you to help me… with the gift.” Kagome ran up panting. She grabbed her husband by the arm and commanded, “Go home with me.” Before dragging Inuyasha away, she quickly gave Sesshomaru a greeting, “Oni-san, see you in a bit.”

The village was revived by the warm sunshine. The grass field in front of Kaede’s hut was filled with laughter. Inuyasha’s and Miroku’s families, who were the closest to Rin in the village, gathered there for her seijin-shiki. The adults were chatting, leaving their children to freely play around. Sesshomaru and Jaken were far away from the crowd, as silent as usual. Rin had yet to come out.

“Maki, don’t go too far!” Kagome scooped her daughter up before she could crawl down the slope. She stroked her black straight hair and gently robbed her furry ears erect on the head, walking back to others. With a giggle, the little girl rested her head on her mother’s shoulder.

“Kagome, who do you think will tie Rin’s obi?” Sango leaned forward to Kagome and whispered with a glance over everyone around, “It has to be a high-status lord, a virtuous saint, or a senior family member. Rin’s family have passed away, so it cannot be that. It’s either Sesshomaru for status or Kaede-sama for moral. Yet, someone needs to trim Rin’s hair after the obi part. That’s more likely to be Kaede-sama, right? Then the only candidate to tie the obi is Sesshomaru. But I thought he and Rin were going down a romantic path. How can he take such a role which belongs to a parental figure?”

“I’m wondering, too. I really don’t know about the plan. Maybe demons don’t care about human norms.” Kagome pressed her fingertip on the bottom lip and seemed puzzled, “But Rin probably does.”

“Koukoku, Enou and Oumu, let go of Shippo. Rin-sama is coming.” Miroku alarmed his children to behave.

The boy and twin girls set Shippo free and chased one another back to their parents. Shippo circled his arms a few times to release the pain in the shoulders and quickly escaped to Kagome. As the talking and laughing died down, the crowd formed a half circle, with Sesshomaru at one of the ends.

The door curtain was lifted. Kaede came through with a tray in her hands, followed by Rin. The nue bird Noctie, now as large as a falcon, glided out over their heads, its long and thin tail gracefully snaking in the air.

With everyone’s eyes on her, Rin stepped toward the center, appreciating their attendance with a smiley glance of greeting. She was in a pastel yellow kimono, which, without an obi, was tied under the armpit. Her hair was loose, the threads that used to be tufted over the right side of her head now draping over and covering her eyebrows.

After Rin had taken her position in the center of the grass field and sat on her heels, Jaken stepped forward, carefully holding an exquisitely engraved wooded case, the very case he had been guarding with his full attention the entire morning. He looked solemn and honored as well as overwhelmed and nervous.

“So that’s the plan!” Kagome and Sango simultaneously understood. Jaken didn’t hold a high status, nor was he very virtuous, but he indeed was a father figure to Rin.

With great gentleness, Jaken placed the case on the ground in the due front of Rin. The moment he unlatched and lifted the lid, a radiating silver light overflowed. Jaken was almost suffocated by the staggering rays, before he could finally pull himself together to concentrate on his task. “This is Rin’s seijin-shiki. I must do everything right.” With the determination, he clenched his sweaty hands into fists to regain strength, before carefully picking up the item in the case. It was an obi, a silver one, twice as wide as Jaken's palm. Its radiance was diluted once taken out of the case, but still so shiny to hurt his eyes.

Jaken gently and meticulously fit the obi around Rin’s waist on the front, and then stepped around to face her back, ends of the obi in his hands. Rin reached over to her hair and pulled it aside. The movement caused some folds on her kimono right above the waist. Jaken bent forward to tuck the fabric in position. After that, he leaned back for an overall check. Then he realized he had just pulled the obi too high on the left, so he brought it down a little. But now it all seemed unbalancedly low compared with the right. Then he adjusted the right end. After several rounds of back-and-forth, he finally got the obi at a satisfactory position.

“One last step, and the most important.” Jaken thought to himself. Before feeling any relief, he suddenly crashed into an unexpected mind blank and totally forgot how to tie the obi, which he hadn’t had many chances to practice anyway. “How is the knot supposed to be made? Which end should come first? Should I guide this over that?” The more he tried to sort things out, the more anxious he turned. At the edge of giving up, he helplessly looked upward to the sky, tears welling in his eyes. It was at that moment that he caught Rin smiling to him over her shoulder. His tears streamed down. “Rin has grown up.” He spoke in his mind, “How can humans grow so fast? She was tiny not so long ago, but now is so much taller than I am. It’s just a blink of time…” Tears blurred his eyes but cleared his mind. He remembered the knot miraculously, and his hands began to move by themselves. Finally, the obi was tied, not perfect but neat enough.

The moment the obi was firmly fastened on Rin’s waist, the light of the belt intensified, so explosively blinding that its previous glow was suddenly outshined to be a mere glimmer. In that breath-taking radiance, a slim silver dragon emerged, surrounding Rin with its full embrace, its scales shining, its claws tearing, its whiskers wavering. It made no sound, and yet everyone seemed to hear its deafening roar. It stayed for just a moment. Before anyone could relate it to anything, the light went out, just as abruptly as it had burst. The obi on Rin looked as normal as a garment could be, except that the embroidery work, which had brought life to the dragon veiled by clouds with various techniques to create shapes and shades on the otherwise monochromatic craft, was clearly done by highly skilled hands.

Rin was as confused by the light as others, but not as stunned. She bowed deeply at Jaken, which called him and others back to real life. She said with a bright smile, “Thank you very much, Jaken-sama!”

After Jaken had returned to his position, Kaede slowly walked to Rin, her hands supporting a tray, with a comb, a ribbon and a pair of scissors on top. She still couldn’t help thinking about the light dragon; it was just too outstanding to ignore. However, when she actually stood in front of Rin and looked down at her grateful smile, she threw the mystery to the back of her head.

Kaede's eyes turned soft, as she laid a stroke on her hair. She pictured how the new hair style should be before picking up the comb and scissors on the tray. Thread by thread, she trimmed Rin’s silky hair. Upon each cut, she recalled a particular memory Rin had forged in her life. There went Rin’s first dinner with her before Naraku’s defeat; the little girl gorged on everything provided to her, having missed a proper meal for possibly years. It probably was at that moment that she decided to confront Sesshomaru with plans for Rin’s future. There went the first time Rin spoke comfortably to a stranger; she finally acknowledged that most humans were friendly after many months of stay in the village. There went the first baby Rin helped deliver; she had such a warming and soothing heart and such reliable and steady hands. There went her first win against her training mate in fighting skills; she always trained herself to the limit and then pushed beyond. There went the first drop of the Ploud elixir; she claimed that it made her a whole person, worthy to be where she wanted to be.

And where did she want to go? Kaede knew the answer, although she was never told. She learnt from her behavior last night. Rin had spent the whole time talking to her, instead of the demon who she had missed for months. She knew, it was because she had decided to leave, maybe without a foreseeable return, and she had been trying to stay as long with this miko as possible before saying goodbye.

Kaede put away the scissors, moved the tray and stood behind Rin. Very gently, she combed Rin’s hair. With each stroke, she prayed for Rin’s welling being in the future: safety, health, being loved, being respected… The list went on and on. Finally, she pulled her wavy hair together and tied it up into a tuft at the height of her waist with the golden ribbon from the tray.

“Rin, it’s done.” Kaede took one step backward to appreciate her new look, satisfied, “You may stand up now.”

“Thank you very much, Kaede-sama!” Rin turned around and bowed to Kaede. Polished with maturity, her smile was even brighter than before.

“Rin, how beautiful you are!”

“Can’t believe you’ve become an adult. How time flies!”

People swarmed up to congratulate her and praise her. Rin’s own voice was submerged by others’ speech and laughter.

Then, Inuyasha recalled the question that had been sitting on his, as well as one everyone else’s, mind, “Hey, Sesshomaru, what was that obi?”

All of a sudden, everyone became quiet and turned to look at Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru, however, paid no attention to others; his eyes were on Rin, ever since she emerged from the hut. He gave her a command, in a manner he seldom used toward her, “Keep this obi attached to your body, in any case.” There was actually one exception: when he was present and claimed it was safe to do so. But he did not say it, not before she chose him.

Rin responded with a firm nod. From the way he delivered the message, she knew it was crucial to follow. Of course, she was curious about the light, the dragon and all the secrets he didn’t reveal. Yet, those were not important at this moment, and she would have plenty of time for them later.

However, Inuyasha wouldn’t let it go. He knew from Sesshomaru’s words that this obi was much more special than any item he had ever gifted Rin. He asked again, “What was with that obi?”

“It is none of your business.” Sesshomaru gave him a brief glare.

“That’s enough, Inuyasha!” Kagome stopped her husband from pressing more, worrying he would ruin the celebration, “Oni-san always brings precious stuff to Rin. No wonder the obi used for seijin-shiki is a treasure. Why are you so surprised? And, can you ever pick up some good aesthetic taste from your brother? Just look at Maki’s kimono. Why did you have to pick such an ugly one?”

Inuyasha’s complaints were easily drowned by the crowd’s laughter, which last quite a while before dying down.

“Sesshomaru-sama.” With a pleasantly ringing voice, Rin called everyone's attention, while directing her own completely toward the great demon.

Others gaped at Rin and Sesshomaru alternatively, confused about the unspoken message being conveyed between the two.

It was a long gaze without a blink of break between Rin and Sesshomaru. She was the only one in his eyes, and he was the only one in hers too. Rin found this exclusivity satisfactory, as in this way the words she was about to say would be fully received by him. With a nod, Sesshomaru gave her the signal. Rin turned to face others and patiently landed a smiling glance on everyone, before taking a deep breath.

It was clear that Rin had an announcement to make. _That_ announcement. 

Rin took another deep breath, her lips narrowly parted. She was ready, but somehow found it hard to bring up the first word. After all, she was about to give up something, something important. After a long silence, she finally started, in a soft voice.

“Rin is happy to live in the village together with everyone. I never imagined there could be so many crops or so many livestock. No one starves; no one gets hurt. Everyone helps each other, just like in a big family. This is something that I could only dream of as a child. I’m so blessed to have lived such a good life in reality. Sometimes, I think of my late parents and brother. They would be as happy as I am, if they were here.

“I like the sunrise here, warm and purifying. I like the spring water here, sweet and refreshing. I like the soil here, fertile for so many crops and herbs. I like the mountains here, high up and close to the moon.”

Years of sweet memories flashed vividly in Rin’s head. Her voice ever energetic, she recited them one by one, beaming at everybody.

“I have acquired many skills here. Kaede-sama guided me in everyday life. Kagome-sama showed me archery. Miroku-sama taught me to read and write. Inuyasha-sama, Sango-sama and Kohaku trained me to fight. Besides, there are many other oji-sans and oba-sans who helped me with farm work. In the past, I was a useless burden to others, unable to achieve anything. Now, despite my clumsiness, I can make a living by myself and even contribute in some cases. I have gained strength through the years, physically and mentally. I am very grateful for everyone’s kind guidance and help.”

Rin bowed to the crowd, catching through her own welling eyes more than one person wiping away tears.

Sesshomaru watched and listened, with complex feelings about Rin’s statement. On one hand, he was relieved that Rin lived a happy life here. On the other, he worried that she would choose to cling to that happiness and leave him forever.

Rin paused for a moment in the bowing posture. When she raised her head and looked over everyone again, her eyes were abruptly filled with solemnness. Sesshomaru felt his heart in suspense, as Rin continued.

“However, there is one thing, the most important thing. It is the premise on which all the aforesaid happiness is based. It is the purpose for which I learn and train hard. It is the hope to which I wake up every day. If this thing cannot be made sure of, my life here turns meaningless immediately and permanently.” Rin searched eagerly for Sesshomaru’s eyes and easily found his gaze waiting for hers. At that instant, Rin’s talkative eyes flashed with a strong emotion, ever expressively. 

He knew, from the gleam in her eyes, which were tied tightly and deeply to her heart. Her following words were merely for everyone else to hear, and her gaze was still invisibly bonded with his.

“It was the happiest moment to see Sesshomaru-sama arrive; it was the saddest when Sesshomaru-sama took his leave. The thing that I desire the most and that makes my life meaningful, is always the same. My choice, is always the same.”

Her eyes turned even more sparkling, inflaming Sesshomaru’s heart.

“Sesshomaru-sama, Rin’s choice is you. Please take me with you.”

At that moment, applauses, cheers and even sobs, all exploded. People gathered around Rin, holding their breaths and staring at Sesshomaru, waiting for his reply.

Sesshomaru beheld only Rin in his eyes, emotionless on the face but extremely exhilarated inside. He scrupulously observed her radiating eyes and blushing cheeks, imprinting this moment of happiness deeply on his own heart.

“How much time do you need to pack? I intend to leave when you are ready.” Sesshomaru said in such a soft and caring voice that everyone else finally believed this great demon with deadly power could truly be gentle.

Rin shook her head, “None. I’m ready to go with you at any second, from the very beginning.”

Another round of shouts and tears burst in the crowd.

“Rin.” Inuyasha called her attention and tried to suppress the boiling excitement, “Why don’t you stay here for a few more days? Sesshomaru seems in trouble. It may be dangerous for you to leave with him right now.”

“No.” Rin refused gently, “I don’t care what lies ahead. Wherever Sesshomaru-sama is going, I will follow.”

So, this explained it. This was why she had stopped asking about his whereabouts and his plans: because they simply did not matter anymore.

“Sesshomaru.” Before the cheers went off again, the old miko called with a serious voice unmatched to the jolly atmosphere, drawing everyone’s attention, “I have some questions for you.”

Sesshomaru and Rin finally broke their gaze at each other and turned to Kaede. She had not been that excited as the younger generations and had kept herself outside of the crowd all the time, appearing lonely and outcast.

“Sesshomaru, when you left Rin here, you promised her the right to choose after she came of age. At that time, you were prepared to acknowledge whichever she would choose, right?” Kaede kept her solemn stare at Sesshomaru, with a brief break to glance at Rin, “However, that was seven years ago. I’m sure you two view each other differently now. When Rin chooses you, she bears special feelings and beholds you in a particular way. I think I know what feeling she has and what you are to her; maybe you have an idea, too. Then, how about you, Sesshomaru? With what feelings do you accept her? As what do you accept her?”

Everyone was astonished by the way in which Kaede brought up the questions that they only dared to ponder. They gaped desperately at Sesshomaru, seemingly begging for his answer.

Yet, there was this one person who did not look at the great demon, nor was she expecting an answer. That was Rin. She knew very well that he would not say a word in front of these people with whom the questions had nothing to do. However, would he say anything to her, about how he felt about her? And, did he really know her feelings, the love for which she asked no return except the permission to be simply around him? Rin stared at the ground, her ears burning.

Once again, Sesshomaru ignored everyone else except Rin. He called her name, “Rin.”

Rin raised her head and met his gaze. He appeared to ask a question, whether she wondered the same as others did. She did not give a reply, because she did not need his answer at this moment. Instead, she turned to Kaede and said resolutely, “Kaede-sama, my decision does not depend on Sesshomaru-sama’s thoughts. It will be the same, always.”

Kaede stared at Rin, for a long while. Throughout the years, she had tried quite a few times to persuade her to stay on the human side, all in vain. Now that Rin decided to leave, she could not keep her for any longer. All she wished was that Rin would be happy, at least not be hurt. The old miko gave Sesshomaru a sternest look and demanded, “Sesshomaru, I never expected you to answer me. But you should confess your thoughts to Rin at a proper time in a definite way, if you don’t want to hurt her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, by choosing to go with Sesshomaru, Rin essentially confessed to him her affections, as well as her determination to be with him.  
> How will Sesshomaru respond? When will he reveal his own feelings to Rin?


	7. “Would this help?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first night after Rin left the village with Sesshomaru.  
> What would happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After leaving the village, Sesshomaru visited Totosai to ask a question: What weapon could be more powerful than Bakusaiga?  
> The reason he had the question was that the enemy who hurt his arm scorned Bakusaiga as merely an ordinary blade. He was infuriated and also worried that they were seeking something very dangerous.  
> Totosai told Sesshomaru that the only weapon that could possibly match Bakusaiga was the legendary sword named Kusanagi no Tsurugi. However, he claimed that the sword did not exist in this world or he would have sensed its aura. He directed Sesshomaru to Yoreitaisei for more information.

They traveled another long distance after leaving Totosai’s place. Rin finally remembered every old trick and mastered all the new ones to communicate with A-Un, and the flying ride turned as comfortable as in her memories.

In the evening, Sesshomaru led them to land on a plain, where he decided to stay for the night. The sky, pitch-black without the moon or stars, was covered by thick clouds.

Rin was fatigued, physically and mentally. Her body was weary, muscles stiff all over after a long day of riding and flying. Even though she now lay on her back with soft grass bed beneath, she seemed to still feel wind slapping on her face and rushing through her hair as if she were still high up in the air.

Her brain was exhausted too, busy processing all the overwhelming emotions and information that came along with her new journey. Half a day ago, she was talking and laughing with her close friends on the seijin-shiki; now, she was separated from them by mountains and rivers, only their voices and smiles ever clear and vivid in her mind. The mysterious enemies who injured Sesshomaru the previous day seemed to be looking for Kusanagi no Tsurugi, the legendary sword whose name was familiar even to a village girl like her. Totosai was sure that the sword did not exist in this world, but Sesshomaru was still very concerned.

Rin peered into the gloom where a shimmering white figure stood still in the distance. It seemed he would not sleep tonight. “Just like before.” She thought and turned her head toward the fire to check Jaken, Noctie and A-Un. They were all in their cozy positions, sound asleep.

“Kaede-sama must be in bed too at this time.” Rin looked up into the sky and spoke in her mind, thinking of the miko’s kind smile, “Hope she sleeps well.” Rin would always place a cup of water by Kaede’s futon at night, to help relieve her coughs. She wondered if Kaede had remembered to get herself water tonight. What if she had not? Rin felt worried, as well as sorry.

“Rin.”

Before she noticed, Sesshomaru had returned from the darkness.

“Why are you still awake?” He sat down, closer to her than he usually would be, “Are you too stressed to sleep?” He realized it must be hard for her to adapt to such fast-paced life without proper shelters or meals after so many comfortable years in the village, just as it was hard for him to suddenly slow down to an extent suitable for her. Maybe he should have just walked today without picking up any speed at all.

“Sesshomaru-sama.” Rin moved to sit up, but Sesshomaru gestured her not to. She then lay back down on her side toward him and replied, “I’m fine. It’s just… I miss Kaede-sama and others, already. How ridiculous of me!” She finished the sentence with a small smile in hope of downplaying her sentimentality.

“You may visit them in the future.” He read the low spirits under her mirthless smile.

His words of comfort, however, added to her sadness and caused her to turn away. When would she get the chance while they must fight the enemies first? What would the village be like when everything settled down? Who would and would not be there when she finally could visit?

“Do you regret your decision?” Sesshomaru sensed her growing sorrow and found his own heart down. Facing away toward the dark, he was silently expecting her voice and meanwhile secretly fearing for the answer, as he was not ready to give her the right to regret.

“Of course not!” Rin jerked upright and clung to his forearm, which called back his eyes. She stared nervously at him and reemphasized, “Absolutely not!” She missed Kaede and the village, but not as much as she had ever missed him.

Sesshomaru was captured, his arm tightly clasped by her hands and his heart deadly locked by her eyes. He instinctively thirsted to free himself and wrap her in his arms instead. However, there was this one particular thing he must do, before touching her. He calmed down and said, “Rin, I have something to tell you.”

The warm light of the fire and the cold background of the night cooperated to intensify Sesshomaru’s solemn aura. Rin released her grips, sat uptight and put away her own emotions, earnestly waiting for his words.

“This is something I have decided a long time ago. It is related to Kaede’s questions earlier today on your seijin-shiki. Regardless of her asking, I expect to tell you if you make me your choice.” He paused. 

Despite of all his efforts to prepare himself, he still found it hard to bring something so deeply buried in his heart to light. On one hand, revealing true emotions was equivalent to showcasing weakness; this went against the rule he had been following for hundreds of years and it would take a great amount of strength to disobey his instinct. On the other, he was afraid that he might not be able to make himself clear and that Rin could be confused or, even worse, hurt; after all, he was not good at expressing feelings.

Rin was not sure how to decipher his hesitation, which she had scarcely witnessed. Related to Kaede’s questions, it must be about how he viewed her. What would that be? She knew there was something unexplained between them. The uncertainty associated was what exactly kept her dream fanciful. What would happen, if Sesshomaru was to clarify everything now?

Not prepared at all to see her dream shatter, Rin requested, “Sesshomaru-sama, please, don’t say it now! Not now. My head is too crowded at this moment. Please give me some time to clear my mind, would you?”

Sesshomaru watched the tiredness all over her body and agreed it was indeed not a good time. He regretted not bringing it up during the day when he had been granted many chances but missed with equally many excuses. Only Rin could make him so indecisive and, hence, weak. Determined to get out of this torturing situation, he answered, “Not now. Ask me whenever you please. Otherwise, I intend to tell you on the day of next new moon.”

If she asked, he would have enough motivation to anatomize his feelings, with every necessary detail and weak spot revealed, so as for her to fully understand. With a promised deadline, he allowed himself no further chance of delay. One month, it should be enough for both her and him to sort things out.

Rin nodded, grateful that he once again let her set the pace.

“You should sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day.” With the words, Sesshomaru was ready to leave her alone to rest, but was surprised to spot furrows on her brow and concerns in her eyes. _What exactly was bothering her?_

To make her feel safe from whatever was the trouble, he added persuasively, “You are with me now. There is nothing for you to worry about.”

These words, instead of consoling her, actually made her more distressed. She even seized his sleeve, as if knowing he was about to leave her side. The very reason why she was unwilling and even afraid to sleep was nothing but that she was with him at this moment. She feared that everything she was experiencing now was in a dream, and that she would wake up in the morning alone again. He sat so close to her and planned to confess his thoughts. Wouldn't these things only happen in the dream? “You are with me now.” Wasn’t that a sentence only to be heard in the dream either?

“Sesshomaru-sama, I don’t want to sleep… I’m afraid you will be gone when I wake up…” Rin kept her head low and murmured. The fact that she still fisted his sleeve did not secure her confidence; after all, she had kept him from leaving numerous times in the dreams only to wake up empty-handed every single morning.

After a short silence, Sesshomaru commanded, “Rin, open your hands.”

That was an order Rin was unwilling to follow. Confused and hesitant, she clenched her hands even more tightly before finally and involuntarily loosening the grips and showing her palms. She kept her chin down, as she could not face seeing him leaving.

He laid the white katana in her hands and softly asked, “Would this help?”

Bakusaiga? Rin was stunned at both the sight and the touch of the splendid weapon. That katana was literally part of Sesshomaru’s body, and he either wore it or held it, never parted from it.

“Sesshomaru-sama, I can’t! Rin can’t…” Lost for words, she jerked and retracted her hands automatically as if being burnt. If only she was alert and quick enough, she would have avoided desecrating his katana.

Sesshomaru clasped her hands around the sheath with his own strong grips. He explained, “Bakusaiga stays with you, and I will not leave.”

Rin gazed at his golden eyes, which were gleaming with flashing reflection of flames. Her heart was set on fire.

“Sesshomaru-sama, thank you!”

As Rin calmed down, Sesshomaru released her hands and turned away. He said with a hint of complaint, “You do not need to thank me. I think I have made that clear.”

“Yes… Right… I remember now…” Rin turned nervous again, now for a different reason. On their way out of the village, Sesshomaru carried her bags the entire time. She said “Thank you” as usual, only to hear him reply, “You should not thank me for such minor and natural things anymore.” It was only half a day ago, but she forgot already. She felt sorry and said so, “I’m sorry…”

“Nor do you need to apologize.”

Not sure what would be the right words, Rin nodded with a “Mhm” and crushed Bakusaiga tightly to her chest. The katana was heavy and anchored her uneasy heart. She was not afraid to wake up from the dream anymore, simply because she was not in a dream. In fact, everything was real. The real Sesshomaru easily outshone at any angle the one, who she had imagined to be perfect, in her dream.

Yet, was Rin the only one who had refused to sleep, for fear of breaking the dream? Wasn’t Sesshomaru afraid either? Was it just meant to comfort Rin to hand over Bakusaiga? Wasn’t it for his own peace of mind either?

_You hold the blade of my soul, so I will stay around you. I entrust you with the weapon of my life, so you will be close to me too._


	8. “What are you to Sesshomaru?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some storyline to help understand the background of this chapter.
> 
> *** Spoiler alert for readers who plan to go through the complete Chinese version ***
> 
> Totosai referred Sesshomaru to Yoreitaisei for information about the sword Kusanagi no Tsurugi. Sesshomaru paid the demon hermit a visit and was told that the sword was one of the Three Sacred Treasures (Sanshu no Jingi), the other two being the mirror Yata no Kagami and the jewel Yasakani no Magatama.  
> However, Yoreitaisei claimed that he knew nothing about the whereabouts of Sanshu no Jingi, nor their powers. He indicated Sesshomaru to unlock Bakusaiga's ogi (ultimate power) first and also to ask his own mother about the legends.  
> Sesshomaru then went into a dormancy to train in his own spiritual world, where he witnessed many deaths. Before he woke up, Bakusaiga told him that its ogi was unlocked but would take a great cost to use. It questioned whether he was able to actually wield the power in a real fight.  
> Sesshomaru came around surprised and frightened to know that five months had passed, while he had only expected to be away for a few days. Yoreitaisei then claimed it easiy would have taken hundreds of years to enhance a weapon like Bakusaiga and was very impressed that he finished in just months. Sesshomaru thus turned furious with the demon hermit for having not warned him of that.  
> Hundreds of years, how could he and Rin afford that? Even five months were too much. 
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> The legends about Sanshu no Jingi in this work have been adapted and are very different from actual traditional Japanese stories.

Sesshomaru left Yoreitaisei’s home without looking back, still angry with the old man for luring him into months of unconsciousness. He kept walking without a single word, until the candlelight and human voice of the town faded in the starry new moon night. He stopped at a clearing near a giant tree and commanded, “Stay here for tonight.”

“Sesshomaru-sama, we are still close to the town. This Jaken would suggest going a little farther to completely avoid the smell of humans and the spying aura of Yoreitaisei.” Jaken wondered why his master stopped right here. Could it be for Rin, as it was about time for her to sleep? With the thought, he brought up another suggestion, “Would you consider going back to the town for a sheltered place?”

“No. Stay here and wait for Inuyasha. I need him to answer some questions.”

“Sesshomaru-sama,” It was Rin this time, “Is Inuyasha-sama nearby?”

Sesshomaru did not deny: He was indeed nearby, in his human form.

“How about Kagome-sama?”

“So is she.” Sesshomaru confirmed, “Together with others.”

“Really? Isn’t that great?” Rin clapped her hands delightfully, “We get together again.”

Jaken then spoke no more and quickly ran off to collect firewood and set up the camping site.

Sesshomaru took a few steps toward the woods to clear any threat, which was bold enough to stay in his presence till this moment, off their site with his intensified killing yoki. At the same time, all his senses were at the top alert level, eager to learn anything both nearby and faraway. During the five months when he was absent from reality, a lot could and must have happened, and he needed to get a grasp as soon as possible.

Rin walked up to stand beside him, with a silent stare at his profile. For months, Sesshomaru had been still like a statue. Jaken had kept warning her of his tense and dangerous aura, trying to keep her from getting too close. Sesshomaru had been in a fierce fight in that spiritual world. That Rin knew well; after all, she had spent each day sitting across from him and observing every minor change in his expression and posture. From the angle his brow being furrowed at, the frequency his ears twitching with, the breaths he deeply growling in, and the cracking his hands clenching along, Rin had learnt many aspects of his fight. There had hardly been any victory or joy; mostly it had been strain and stress, sometimes pain and endurance. Had there been horror or despair? Rin was not sure: He would not have shown any sign even if there had been. That fight had not happened in _this_ world, but still was real enough to make him, and thus her, suffer. She was so relieved to see him finally back with a stoic and yet peaceful look.

“Rin, do you wish to say something?” Sesshomaru turned around and caught a sight of her stunningly beautiful smile purified by the starlight.

“Sesshomaru-sama, Yoreitaisei-sama asked me a question, but I did not know how to answer.” Rin averted her gaze, hesitant and yet tempted to bring up the actual question. With a moment to pluck up her courage, she looked up and mimicked Yoreitaisei’s voice, “Rin, what are you to Sesshomaru?”

It turned out that she only managed to watch Sesshomaru for as long as she spent speaking, as she was too embarrassed to keep her eyes on him while waiting for a response.

What was she to Sesshomaru? Rin always bore this question somewhere in her head. Kaede had asked him about it on her seijin-shiki, and he had tried offering an explanation after leaving the village with her. She, however, had not cared much about the answer back then. Instead, she had pursued only one thing: to be alongside him, nothing else mattering really. Although she had dreamed of his responding to her feelings, that had stayed in the dream. In reality, she had asked for nothing in return: As long as he allowed her company, she did not care how he would treat her, as a friend, a servant, a slave, or whatever. She had even deliberately put off his explanation, for fear of disturbing the pure state of simply being with him.

However, after days and nights indulged at his side, the once extravagant wish gradually became routine reality. Now that she had checked off the most outstanding task on her priority list, the question she had thrown to the back of her head bubbled to the top of her mind. She wanted to know more. She wanted more. It truly surprised her how greedy and ambitious she was rendered by the feeling called love. What was that he did not finish saying the night after leaving the village? Every shade of her blushing, every beat of her pounding heart, and every single word of her unspoken thought, he must be aware of them all. What was he trying to say then? Was it a plain acknowledgment of her affection followed by a cold denial? Or was it …? How she wished the feelings were mutual! Would that be too much to ask for? Well, so far, she only had the chance to wish, never one to actually ask. Although he had given her the permission to request the answer at any time and had promised to tell her on the next new moon regardless, he dived into a deep dormancy to unlock Bakusaiga’s ogi just two days later. She never brought the question up and the new moon had come and gone several times. Did he even remember?

Sesshomaru clearly sensed Rin’s anxiety. He had planned to answer that question even before it was ever raised. He only put it off because she had insisted on some time to clear her mind. _Lie!_ It was because he had not been able to suppress that foolish awkwardness to confess right after her announcement of her choice. He had made a promise to her on the first night after she had rejoined his travel. That conversation seemed to him only a few days ago, while she had actually waited for five months ever since. Terrified by the consequence, which could have been unforgivably worse, he swore in mind that he would never waste a second of her time, _their_ time.

“You are the most important person to me.” He claimed, as plainly as stating a simple fact.

Rin’s eyes widened with a shock. His voice echoed in her head, filling her with joy, gratitude, relief and so many other emotions. After all, the feelings were mutual. Or, were they? Inuyasha was important. Jaken was important. Even Naraku used to be important. How was she different? The more she reflected on his reply, the more she turned unsure and curious. Finally, she retrieved his gaze and pressed, “Important in what sense?”

Without a word, Sesshomaru reached out his hand and gently enveloped one of hers. This was the first time that he touched her in the absence of any need to protect or help her, a movement of pure affection. He sensed the wave of quiver on Rin’s hand, the growing heaviness of her breaths and the rising tantalization in her scent. His heart started throbbing frenetically too.

“Sesshomaru-sama…” Rin was lost for words, with the sensation of shock propagating from the hand to her heart, and then to her tongue. She hoped to run for somewhere safe to hide her embarrassment but was too petrified to move even her eyes. Obstructed by the darkness of the night, she failed to recognize the message in his gaze. However, the fact that he was conveying something was already burning her cheeks.

With Rin’s hand in his own, Sesshomaru took a step forward. Her alluringly sweet aroma was now right beneath the tip of his nose, so close that he only needed to tilt his head to inhale along with a kiss.

All of a sudden, a flash of warm light lifted the veil of darkness and uncovered their faces, exposing all the emotions. The bonfire had just been ignited.

Right away, Rin caught the gleaming affection in Sesshomaru’s golden eyes. It seemed that he was not trying to hide the fondness at all, contrary to what he usually did with emotions. Rather, he was delivering it, right in front of her eyes, getting closer and closer. Could it be…? Could it be…? As if deeply drunk, Rin felt lightheaded from fantasies and forgot to blink or breathe.

“Rinnn, come here and give me a hand.” Jaken called out, obviously not noticing the sparks between the two.

Rin was startled by that disturbing voice and lowered her head in a hurry to break with Sesshomaru’s gaze.

Sesshomaru paused as she turned away, not sure what to do next. To pull her in for a quick kiss, or to release her hand and let her go. Which would she wish him to choose?

“Rinnnn!” Jaked called again, more urgently than before.

“Coming!” Rin rushed a response and retracted her hand from his grip, knowing Jaken could be looking right this way at this moment. She stumbled back with a nervous and apological peek at Sesshomaru. He still had that intoxicating affection in his eyes. Sure she would be truly inebriated with another glance, she turned around and ran off, leaving behind a hint of smile easily caught by Sesshomaru.

Part of the answer, she was granted. “The most important person.” It filled her heart with enchantment. As for the remaining part, on which she had a rough guess, she was willing to leave it until when Jaken was away.


	9. “Is it about me then?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New character:  
> Shusho: a sagiso grass demon saved by Rin and revived by Sesshomaru with Tenseiga. 
> 
> Storyline prior to this chapter.  
> *** Spoiler alert for readers who plan to go through the complete Chinese version ***
> 
> Sesshomaru left Yoreitaisei's place with Bakusaiga's ogi unlocked.  
> Rin saved a white-budded grass, knowing it was actually a demon, from two village men, only to find it was already dead. Sesshomaru revived it for her. When the grass turned into a human form of a man, he mistook Rin for someone named Yuko. He called himself Shusho and showed great fondness of Rin. 
> 
> Inuyasha and others came to Sesshomaru. From them, Sesshomaru learnt that Datura attacked the village right at the night after he and Rin had left. However, she seemed be threatened to do so, as she deliberately let Inuyasha escape from her illusion trap and asked him to warn Sesshomaru of enemies. Inuyasha regretfully claimed that he had landed a fatal attack on Datura and she must have been dead. He was determined to find out who's truly behind the attack and revenge the village.  
> Rin explained to everyone else that Sesshomaru's enemies were after Sanshu no Jingi. This reminded Miroku of recent attacks on several shrines by yokais. He thought they might be organized by the very enemies with the belief that the Three Sacred Treasures were stored in shrines. Inuyasha and others then separated from Sesshomaru to investigate those attacks. 
> 
> The man who attacked Sesshomaru when he last visited the village was one of the two vampires. He used a trick to hide in Datura's wound and waited until she brought him close to Sesshomaru. The vampires held Datura's father as a hostage and ordered her to attack the village. They also later stroke the shrines to look for Sanshu no Jingi.  
> These were all unknown to Inuyasha and Sesshomaru at this point. 
> 
> Shusho tagged along with Rin. Sesshomaru initially was angry about this and even wanted to kill Shusho. However, Shusho helped save Rin from a deadly poison and proved himself useful in some way. Rin was grateful to Shusho and hoped he could stay to avoid another attack from humans. Sesshomaru agreed after learning that Rin was aware to keep a distance with that male grass yokai. 
> 
> Sesshomaru visited his mother to ask about Sanshu no Jingi. Gobodo-sama told him several shocking things.  
> 1\. She knew Datura was fatally hurt by Inuyasha, and was disappointed that Sesshomaru did not save her as she had demanded before. She cared about Datura because Datura's late mother, as a very close friend, had requested her, before dying, to watch over Datura.  
> 2\. Sanshu no Jingi were once in the charge of her grandfather (Sesshomaru's great grandfather), the other Inu yokai who managed to create a weapon from his own body. He tossed the sword in the Netherworld for some unknown reason, but returned only to find that the mirror and the jewel had both been gone.  
> 3\. Three hundred years ago, there happened a riot in the Netherworld. The ghost army found the sword and learnt from it that the jewel was held by the nine-tailed foxes and the mirror by humans. They invaded nine-tailed foxes' land and killed many including Datura's mother. Toga went to help and, with Tenseiga's power, resolved the crisis. The jewel, however, disappeared afterwards.  
> 4\. She again commanded Sesshomaru to save Datura's life no matter what.
> 
> So, Sesshomaru learnt the whereabouts of the Three Sacred Treasures: the sword in the Netherworld, the mirror with humans and the jewel somewhere unknown to anyone else.  
> Yet, his enemies, the two vampires, also found out the same information, from Datura's father, who they had kept as a prisoner for a long time. The taisho of nine-tailed foxes only agreed to cooperate when he saw his daughter's lifeless body and was told that Inuyasha did it with Sesshomaru's permission. He had disliked Sesshomaru for something he did to Datura three hundred years ago, and was now furious with him. He knew that Sesshomaru likely had an exclusive knowledge about Sanshu no Jingi, and was very determined not to let him lay a finger on the Treasures.
> 
> More on Shusho:  
> He was a sagiso yokai. (The English name of the plant is white egret flower. Please look it up. You'll decide if it's beautiful.) He possessed some divine power, but was otherwise weak in strength. He had an ultimate task in his life: to pursue true love. Once succeeding, he would bloom and leave the cycle of reincarnation to live as an ethereal immortal. 
> 
> More storyline at the end of the chapter.

Piles of dark clouds still hung over the roaring sea, casting thick and humid shadows over surging waves. The sun, despite being blocked, was stubbornly challenging the wall of clouds, threatening to reclaim the sky. Its stabbing and blinding rays corrupted the defense of cloud mass, resulting in rifts here and there.

The tide was ebbing, leaving a scatter of shells on the beach. A young woman in a blue kimono was running and leaping in the sand, chasing the receding waterline and chirping into the splashing of waves on reefs. She would once in a while pick up a shell, hold it up high as a trophy and show it to the black nue bird gliding around her.

Against a protruding boulder nearby, a little demon reclined with his eyes closed, every muscle of his body yelling with exhaustion. Was it due to aging or something else? He did not know. He just couldn’t help but sigh so much as if it would rejuvenate himself.

At the rocky edge of the beach, a great demon in white stood at the very highest tip, staring into the distance and listening to the gusting wind and turbulent currents. He seemed in control of everything and he probably was indeed. His composure never failed, even though the wild wind was trying desperately to tear his sleeves and tangle his hair.

Far away from the three, on the hill by the shore, there was this handsome man dressed in grassy green, with a scroll in his hand. From where he stood, he was able to see everyone on the beach, but his eyes followed the young woman alone.

“What’s special about that woman named Rin? Why would a daiyokai like Sesshomaru pay any attention to a mere human? Was it true that Sesshomaru revived her? What good did it do to save a little human child? Besides, why would a yokai as dangerous as a nue be so close to her, as if protecting her? ...”

He had so many questions already, but couldn’t help asking more. “Rin and Yuko were alike, look-wise and personality-wise. Is she a reincarnation of Yuko? Yuko, are you back to see this Shusho?”

The man named Shusho kept his gaze at Rin. Everything about her, the elegant way she danced around, the innocence she radiated and the goodwill she showed toward everyone, all reminded him of his beloved late human wife, Yuko. However, she’s _not_ Yuko. Shusho looked up into the sky and caught a sheen of sunshine on the ever-thinning clouds. A sensation that he had missed for over a hundred years since Yuko passed away crawled upon his spine. _Warm_. He closed his eyes and indulged himself carefully in memories, prepared to be heartbroken again but managed to win a slight smile this time.

On the beach, Rin was running toward Sesshomaru, leaving Noctie behind to guard Jaken.

“Sesshomaru-sama, look! This is the most beautiful shell around here.” Rin reached out her hands, showcasing a red conch shell on her palms. Unaware of the sand grains sticking to her cheek, she said delightfully, “It’s my first time to see the sea. It’s so wonderful.”

“Rin.” Sesshomaru looked at her gleeful face, his sentence not even started.

“I know what you would say.” She had the privilege of speaking his mind without being punished. She put away the shell and took a step forward, her smile fading. 

“Sesshomaru-sama has not been very happy since we left Gobodo-sama’s palace. Have you asked Gobodo-sama about Sanshu no Jingi? Are you worried that the enemies would get them first?” Rin looked directly at his eyes, ready to catch even the slightest emotion that would appear there.

“There is an abundance of time to deal with that later. Now it’s meaningless.” He denied her guess.

“So, it’s not about Sanshu no Jingi.” Rin was a little surprised, “Is it about me then? Are you worried that I would be in danger?”

She captured a faint flash in his eyes. She was right, in some sense.

“Sesshomaru-sama, Rin’s life is short, and every day counts. I will never leave you for fear of danger. I would rather give up my life if I could only survive in separation from you.”

Sesshomaru’s gaze trembled. Rin, however, did not allow him a chance to deny her. She continued with a tone of determination.

“I will not be a burden to you. I’m willing to offer my help with your fight, in any way, even to sacrifice my life. When I die someday, Sesshomaru-sama, please be assured, it is with great happiness that I have spent every day of my life with you.”

Sesshomaru’s eyes now were full of emotions, too complex for her to read all at once. There seemed to be shock, blame, and heartbreak. He raised a hand to wipe away the grains on her cheek before cupping her face. Rin flushed at the touch and quavered upon the burning sensation. One part of her longed to cling to the warmth of his hand, while the other wanted to dodge this overdose of affection. Before she could decide how to react, Sesshomaru wrapped his free hand around her waist and stabilized her. His presence became ever overwhelming as he leaned forward. In less than a second, he captured her lips with his own.

Rin’s breath stopped and her heart skipped a beat. Her blood was boiled by his gentle and yet hot kiss.

It was a kiss long enough and deep enough to reveal all his unspoken feelings to her. But it’s not so long or deep as to be distracting, and Rin was still able to think after he freed her lips and crushed her to his chest.

“Do you now understand in what sense you are the most important to me?” He asked softly next to her ear.

“Yes…” She whispered, so joyful that her voice quivered. The feelings were indeed mutual. She had no idea when her arms had moved by themselves to hug him and so boldly rest on his back.

“You are never my burden; you are my responsibility. You will not be in any danger, because I will protect you. What truly irritates me are that I have to tackle some issues at the expense of our time together and that I have to postpone my plan for _us_ indefinitely.” Sesshomaru paused, tightening his embrace. He already said more words than anyone would have expected, but he was not finished. He continued with an intensified voice, “Time is precious for you, and for us. You should not think about giving up your life. Never! I will not forgive you for that! Is that clear?”

“Yes.” Surrounded by his protective and calming scent, she felt secured, warm and happy.

After a long indulgence, Rin lifted her head to look at him, arms still around his torso, with a lovely gleam in her eyes. She said, “Sesshomaru-sama, Rin is not willing to sacrifice the time with you for anything else either. Please, don’t send me away, would you?”

“I will not let you go, unless you wish me to.”

“I will not leave, unless you no longer want my company.” She copied the way he spoke and replied with a sunny smile.

Above the horizon, the sky just cleared up and the sun finally escaped the trap of stacking clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even more on Shusho:  
> Shusho was NOT in love with Rin. He loved his human wife, Yuko, all the time. After Yuko died of old age, he turned lifeless too and eventually decided to go dormant indefinitely, until the village men attacked and awakened him.  
> When he first met Rin, he was surprised at how much she was like Yuko. He did wonder whether Rin was Yuko's reincarnation, but purely out of curiosity. He knew Rin was a different person regardless.  
> Rin knew from the beginning that Shusho had someone dear in mind and would not develop love toward her. That's why she agreed to let Shusho stay.  
> Shusho was looking for true love, but he became more and more doubtful about its existence. The reason was, he and Yuko had truly loved each other but he still did not flower.  
> Later, Shusho would find out that Sesshomaru and Rin also loved each other, very much in a similar way he and Yuko had. After that, the reason he stayed was to witness the love of the two and to make sure Rin, the woman so similar to Yuko, would get her fair share of happiness.
> 
> \---------
> 
> More storyline:  
> I set that the yokais were first born from the fear of humans toward the unknown. If humans, as a collective society, conquered their fear, then yokais would loose their power. Small yokais, like Jaken, were especially affected by human's fear.  
> As the feudal era came to an end, humans finally got to live a peaceful life. The last thing they wanted was threats from yokais. So they decided to fight yokais once and for all. With this, yokais were no longer feared by humans and were thus weakened. The war between humans and yokais was on for years already, and the result seemed inevitable: Humans, awake from their fear, would win regardless, and yokais, as well as hanyos, would be eradicated from this world.  
> Sesshomaru sensed the decrease of yoki on the entire land when the war first began. He also witnessed how humans defeated yokais during his travel. He even visited Bokuseno to discuss the fate of yokais. He, as a daiyokai, would not be eliminated or weakened by humans, but was unable to save others. 
> 
> Here's how other characters were affected by the depletion of human fear and the human-yokai war.  
> Inuyasha found Tessaiga becoming heavy over time, as he was getting weak in strength.  
> Jaken aged fast and easily got exhausted.  
> Noctie's family were killed by humans and it barely escaped. (Remember Noctie was saved by Rin?)  
> Shusho was attacked during his dormancy by villagers who wanted to extract the grass elixir and to make use of its power to fight yokais.  
> Rin was poisoned by a yokai whose family were murdered by humans and who wanted to take revenge on any human. (She was saved by Shusho, although Sesshomaru would have been able to save her too.)  
> Human disliked people like Miroku who made friends with yokais.  
> Kenta joined the troop to fight yokais, holding a special grudge against Sesshomaru because of Rin.  
> The vampires, who were not weakened as they came from a foreign land, took advantage of the human-yokai war and easily killed many native yokais for their own sake.


	10. “Did it get across?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their second kiss.

It was early in the morning, when the woods just woke up from the tranquil night. Shusho and Jaken were gone looking for food. Rin was just back from the creek where she had freshened herself up for the day. She had a comb and a mirror in her hands.

“Rin.”

She recognized the voice, and her face was immediately lit up by his return. She turned around, ready to greet Sesshomaru with a smile, but crashed unexpectedly onto his chest: He just clutched her into his arms.

“Sesshomaru-sama!” She was startled and her body froze.

Sesshomaru did not reply but rested his chin on her head.

Rin realized something was not right. It was common for him to go on a patrol at night and return in the morning; yet, he had never behaved like this. “Sesshomaru-sama?” She reached out her arms to hug him, “Is everything all right? What happened?”

Without an answer, Sesshomaru pressed her more tightly to his chest and lowered his head to bury his nose in her hair. She could feel his warm and deep breaths.

Something was seriously off. Rin was thinking about how to properly ask him to talk, but Sesshomaru suddenly loosened his embrace and parted from her.

“Nothing.” He walked away with just one word.

Seconds later, Rin heard the footsteps: Shusho and Jaken were back.

The morning passed in an awkward silence. Sesshomaru stood still under a tree, looking into the distance. No one had an idea what was on his mind and no one dared to ask. Rin kept a constant stare at his back, haunted by what had happened in the morning.

Eventually, she stood up and walked toward him, determined to ask for an answer. She stopped behind him, waiting there for him to turn around. She knew he would, when he felt like and if she stayed long enough.

Sesshomaru did not move, as if not sensing her approach. Well, he did sense it but chose not to react right away.

“He indeed is troubled by something.” Rin thought to herself, after he had let her wait for longer than usual.

Finally, he looked over his shoulder at her and asked, “Rin, what is the matter?”

“Sesshomaru-sama,” Rin smiled at him, “Could I have a word with you? Would that interrupt?”

“You may speak.” Sesshomaru turned around to face her.

Rin blushed and looked away. She lowered her voice and asked, “Could I talk to you in private?”

Jaken and Shusho, together with Noctie and A-Un, were quite far away from them; yet Rin still considered it not private enough. Sesshomaru wondered why, before seizing her hand and taking off regardless.

They landed at the summit. After a quick and careful check to clear the surroundings, Sesshomaru sat down with Rin on a boulder. He had developed the habit to match her eyelevel when talking to her, as he thought it would make her comfortable.

“What do you want to say?” He kept his eyes off her, since he had an idea about her question but did not want to answer.

After a few seconds of hesitation, Rin asked straightforwardly, “Sesshomaru-sama, did something happen last night?”

Indeed, it was about his unforeseen hug in the morning.

It was not long since they arrived in the Northern Land. He would leave to gather information either during the day or at night, depending on when was safe for her. Last night, he entered nine-tailed fox’s territory and was trapped in an illusion barrier. In there, everything he dreaded cycled over and over in front of his eyes: Rin did not choose him, Rin was seized by an enemy, Rin had an accident, and so on. Even after he had physically left the trap, after a long struggle, his heart was still filled with terror. He was never as sure about Rin’s safety as when he had taken his leave. He rushed back, his heart in suspension and his hands sweaty the whole way. It was when he caught the sight and scent of Rin and clasped her warm body in his own arms that he finally calmed down.

This was not the first time he was confronted with deceiving visions about Rin. Datura had attacked him in a similar way a few years ago. Back then, he had only needed a little concentration to break the illusion. This time, however, he almost lost track of reality. The more devoted he was to Rin, the more fatal the illusion could be. He was pondering the entire morning how exactly to avoid being tricked once again.

None of these was he willing to tell her. The least he wanted was to see her worried eyes.

“Nothing happened.” He claimed.

“Sesshomaru-sama, why wouldn’t you tell me? Is it because you don’t want me to worry?” Rin stepped forward and sat down on her heels in from of him. She was looking at him directly in the eyes, leaving no room for him to dodge. She continued, “However, knowing nothing will only double my worry.”

Sesshomaru could not refuse her sincere gaze and finally admitted, “There were illusions about you.” He decided that was enough for her to know. As for the details, he did not want to even recall any, let alone to describe them for her.

With that limited amount of information, together with the way he had behaved this morning, Rin somehow got an idea and concluded that those were terrible and dangerous illusions. She raised her hands and offered him a small pouch, “Sesshomaru-sama, please keep this.”

After a short stare at the little bag, Sesshomaru picked it up. Its opening was stitched up. He asked with his eyebrows slightly raised, “What is inside?”

“It’s the hair cut off on my seijin-shiki.”

Sesshomaru gave the pouch a second and serious look, and alerted her, “It is dangerous to leave one’s hair in another’s hand.” However, he showed barely any intention to give it back.

Rin replied with a smile, “Yet, Sesshomaru-sama has gifted his hair to me.”

He glanced at her silver obi and thought, “She knows. Did she find out herself? Or did Jaken tell her?”

“No one can do any harm to me.” He asserted in a confident and yet plain tone.

“Therefore,” Rin’s smile was even brighter, “It’s fine to leave Rin’s hair in Sesshomaru-sama’s hand. Well, it’s actually even safer.”

Sesshomaru did not say another word, as he was pondering the reason why she presented this to him _now_.

Rin seemed to have read his mind and explained in a solemn voice, “Sesshomaru-sama, Rin has given this to you, so that you know Rin is safe with you. You don’t need to worry about Rin when you are fighting.”

Sesshomaru gazed at her, thinking carefully about her words, and suddenly realized something. He asked, “Rin, have you prepared this beforehand? Do you know I… worried about you even before asking?”

“Yes, I have some idea. It’s not hard to guess, as I would do the same. I would want to hu…” The word “hug” was at the edge of her lips, but she was too shy to let it out. She changed halfway, “hurry to be close to you, when I’m very worried about you.”

She knew whatever had concerned Sesshomaru must be very serious and overwhelming so as to cause him to express his affection to her in a way that eager. What would that be? She only needed to recall her own biggest fear, that Sesshomaru was hurt, to reach the answer: it must be that Sesshomaru had thought she was hurt.

“And… And…” She flushed and averted her gaze. Hindered by shyness and trying to encourage herself, she bit on her lips and fisted her sleeve. Eventually, before Sesshomaru would turn inpatient to raise a question, she sat up to move closer to him and whispered in his ear:

“Rin always misses you and wishes to be close to you.”

Having finished speaking, she dared not to pause and converted all her remaining courage to a quick kiss on his lips, before jumping to her feet and darted aside.

With her back toward him, Rin breathed hard and deeply to calm down her frenetic heartbeat. One that day by the sea, Sesshomaru had kissed her, with all his affection expressed. That kiss bewitched her, driving her cheeks to blush and her heart to flutter upon every reflection. After that, however, they never were so physically close again, even though they were together for many days and nights. They just rushed to the Northern Lands and started investigating around. Was it because a lack of privacy? Or was it because she had not expressed her desire to be kissed? Privacy was never a luxury for him. He would have it whenever he wanted to, just like now. Then, it must be her, and he must be counting on her to set the pace. So, would a kiss initiated by her be enough to show him her desire? It was such a simple idea, but she carried it out with her blood boiling more fervidly than she had been prepared for.

“Did it get across?” She thought, “Sesshomaru-sama is so smart. He must have got the message, even though I was so embarrassingly clumsy.”

“Rin.” Sesshomaru walked up to stand behind her and asked, “Why did you run away from me, after claiming you wanted to be close to me?”

Now Rin realized how ridiculously self-conflicting she had been and couldn’t help chuckling at herself.

“I won’t.” She said softly, “I will never run away anymore.”

Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her from behind. Her heart started throbbing again. His gentle breaths fanned on her temple. She was calmed in some sense, but simultaneously stimulated in another. As she leaned back to his embrace, she marveled at the sight of the remote mountains under the endless clear sky.

“Sesshomaru-sama, do you see such beautiful sceneries often? Would you allow me to join you once in a while?” She placed her hands over his.

Sesshomaru had seen too many landscapes to consider them anything but boring. Strangely, when he took a glance at the mountains, he was impressed, very much in a pleasant way.

“Whenever you wish.”

“Only me as your company. Is that fine?”

“I allow no one else.”

Needless to say, they got a kiss from each other at the end of their conversation, and uncountably many in the days and months to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyline post this chapter:
> 
> As Sesshomaru stayed in the Northern Lands for investigatioin, Inuyasha and his company went to the Ise Grand Shrine and learnt that there had been an attack led by a demoness using a powerful illusion trap. They suspected that the demoness was a nine-tailed fox and decided to go to the north, the foxes' homeland, for more information. 
> 
> Sesshomaru ran into Datura, who turned out still alive after being hit by Inuyasha. Rin became aware of Datura's affection to Sesshomaru.
> 
> The vampires got in contact with Toyotomi Hideyoshi and offered him a troop of Blood Soldiers to help him with battles. In returned, they asked Toyotomi Hideyoshi to get the Emperor's blood for them, as they believed it would enable them to locate the mirror Yata no Kagami, which was stored somewhere in the Ise Grand Shrine.  
> A Blood Soldier was a human or a demon whose blood was polluted by the vampires'; he/she thus possessed extra strength but was forced to obey the vampires' orders.
> 
> Inuyasha found Datura near Toyotomi Hideyoshi's campsite and went into a fight with her. When he landed a fatal blow at her after being seriously injured himself, Sesshomaru appeared and saved her life.  
> Inuyasha's wife and friends learnt from Sesshomaru that Inuyasha's power was weakened due to the reduction of human fear. 
> 
> Datura visited Sesshomaru's site and informed him the vampires' plan of attacking the Ise Grand Shrine after getting the Emperor's blood. She also turned jealous and almost hurt Rin, before being stopped by Sesshomaru. She said something that troubled Rin.  
> Sesshomaru told the story between him and Datura.  
> Three hundred years ago, Datura followed her father to visit Inu no Taisho's family, after Toga had helped save the foxes from the Netherworld army. Sesshomaru was in a training and was interrupted by Datura. He did not know she was the guest and cut off one of her tails with a tanto. Datura seized that tanto and never returned it. Her father was angry with Sesshomaru and stayed away from the Inu yokais ever since. Sesshomaru's mother demanded Sesshomaru to protect Datura as atonement for his mistake. 
> 
> Inuyasha went to guard the Emperor's palace, while Sesshomaru to the Ise Grand Shrine. Then there came the moment in Chapter 1 "It's your birthday."


	11. “I’m not afraid.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin saved Sesshomaru and stayed with him when he was very helpless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Datura told Sesshomaru that the vampires would go to the palace first for the Emperor's blood and then strike the Ise Grand Shrine for the mirror Yata no Kagami. Inuyasha went to guard the palace while Sesshomaru to the Shrine.  
> One the new moon day, Sesshomaru sent Noctie to assist Inuyasha. However, that did not stop the enemies from entering the palace and obtaining the blood.  
> Before Inuyasha could join force with Sesshomaru, the vampires started the attack on the Shrine.  
> When confronting with Sesshomaru, they disabled the Inu yokai by tricking his nose. Sesshomaru fell unconscious and expanded a defensive barrier that would kill anyone approaching his body. Rin ran to deliver a mask to him. To everyone's surprise, instead of killing Rin, Sesshomaru removed the barrier and let her get close. The vampire took the chance and tried to kill Sesshomaru, but was unexpectedly interrupted and hurt by the powerful sacred cross Rin was carrying. Then Sesshomaru gained consciousness temporarily and cleared the battlefield with a blow of Soryuha.  
> After that, he took Rin and left. 
> 
> More on how the vampires managed to disrupt Sesshomaru's sense:  
> (I don't think Sesshomaru, as an experienced fighter, would be easily tricked by a simple attack on his olfactory.)  
> They prepared two types of toxins: one odorless and only effective in an oxygen-depleted condition, and the other just normal stink. The had released the first one long before they crossed fire with Sesshomaru and let it be inhaled by him. Then they burnt candles infused with the second to deliberately lure Sesshomaru to hold his breath. Now, the first toxin came into effect and Sesshomaru was poisoned.

They had traveled hundreds of miles away from the Ise Grand Shrine, but Sesshomaru still kept a constant speed flying forward, with Rin securely in his arms.

Rin stared at Sesshomaru’s scarlet eyes and pondered, “Where is Sesshomaru-sama taking me? The plan must be to stay away from the Shrine so that the shinkans there won’t detect his presence; Sesshomaru-sama’s yoki is at a spike now and would attract too much attention. When will he recover?”

He covered a few more miles before diving into the woods with a flash.

Sesshomaru sat against a tree, eyes closed and brow furrowed. Apparently, he was still tortured by that haunting nasty smell.

Rin knelt before him and called, “Sesshomaru-sama?”

He did not reply. His brain was completely mangled, and all his senses were disordered by the gas and smoke he had inhaled previously.

Every single one of his action after the trigger of the odor attack was out of instinct: He intuitively sensed danger, so he set up a killing barrier around his body; he inherently wished to stay away from the stink, so he left the scene. Then, why did he remove the barrier for Rin? How was he able to come around and land a strike on the enemy? And, why did he take Rin with him? There could be only one explanation: Protecting Rin was imprinted on his instinct already.

However, at this moment, to answer her call, was just simply beyond the reach of instinct.

“Sesshomaru-sama?” Rin spoke again, deeply worried. Having witnessed him use Soryuha earlier, she was expecting him to recover and certainly wasn’t prepared to see him in such deep unconsciousness. 

Suddenly, Sesshomaru opened his eyes, as if reacting to something.

Rin heaved a sigh of relief and thought, “He heard me.”

“Sesshomaru-sama!” She exclaimed in delight and hope.

A firm and aloof stare was all his response. Rin had no idea that he could not discern her face, let alone read her anxiety.

Another sudden move, Sesshomaru grabbed her left wrist with his right hand and dragged her closer, leaving no time for her to either resist or cooperate.

Rin was startled, “What’s the matter, Sesshomaru-sama?”

Still no answer. He gripped her wrist and sent her fingers to his nose. Inhaling, and no exhaling really, he drew in the air mixed with her scent. That was the scent he was familiar with, the scent he protected spontaneously and the scent he longed for impulsively. The tip of his nose slid back and forth on Rin’s fingers, as his breaths turned heavy and his hand clenched tight. With the help from the subtle scent of Rin, the mist in his brain cleared a little, and his extraordinary olfaction, which had been a curse the entire night, finally reclaimed its merit as a blessed talent.

Rin understood his intention and felt relieved, “Thank you, kami-sama! This can help.” She looked at him with great sympathy. The way he indulged himself at her fingertips wrenched her heart. She opened her hand and stretched her fingers, just hoping to touch his fierce and yet handsome face.

However, he did not let her. He realized the condensation, just at arm’s length, of the scent he was desiring. He swiftly pulled her forward and pinned her down in his arms. Rin stumbled and crashed on his armor. A strong pain in the chest petrified her. Before she could recover from the stun, Sesshomaru’s breaths were already fanning on her forehead. _That was the scent!_ His heart was fully filled. He greedily buried his face in Rin’s hair to seek more comfort. His squeeze grew tighter with each breath, as if she would escape upon slight laxity.

Rin was clutched in an awkward and painful way, her elbows pinching her ribs and his armor tips piercing at her chest. Yet, she was willing to endure, because he needed her. She lay in his arms, as still as her strained body allowed. His hands were exploring on her back and in her hair, eagerly and forcefully, as his nose and lips were skimming on her brows and ears, detecting and nipping.

It didn’t take him long to locate the spot with the densest aroma of her, the part of skin beneath which the artery was pulsating, just above her collar. He dipped his head to the crook of her neck, his silver hair draping and tangling with her black threads. His breaths were faster and deeper than ever. He covered her pulse with his lips, initially kissing and then sucking. Upon each trace of her scent he inhaled, he turned a little more conscious and simultaneously a little more lost. He was climbing out of one trap, and inevitably into another.

Sesshomaru’s hands firmly pressed on Rin’s back, his sharp claws almost piercing through her clothes and into her flesh. His clasp was so tight as to disable her from moving and even breathing. His wild and fervid breaths hit her neck and seemingly threatened to devour.

“Sesshomaru-sama…” Rin paled at a sharp pain followed by a burning sensation on her neck, as blood streamed down and was immediately licked away by Sesshomaru. She cried his name in a trembling voice. Her body, against her own will, was begging for release from pain. Like Sesshomaru, she had also developed a new instinct: to call him whenever in fear. This time was no exception.

That shaking voice drowned in fright wrenched Sesshomaru’s heart and caused his body to freeze. It echoed in his head over and over.

Rin felt his embrace loosen and his hot breaths leave her skin. All of a sudden, she was lost and empty.

“Rin,” Sesshomaru’s scarlet eyes gleamed with a hint of sanity, “Take Tenseiga and leave if you are afraid. It will protect you.”

With these words, he retracted his left hand from Rin’s back, removed Tenseiga and placed the katana on the ground. However, his right arm around her waist refused to budge. After all, he was unwilling to relinquish his precious source of comfort and warmth. Two of his instincts, protecting and possessing, were fighting against each other, and neither was winning.

While Sesshomaru stayed silent, Rin’s body moved a little. She pressed her hands on his armor and pushed herself away from him.

So, she _was_ leaving. His heart was down. He moved his right hand aside, to completely release her; he would let her go if she wanted to.

Rin pulled back a little, palms still resting on his chest. With a deep breath, she finally felt her blood flowing through the body. She adjusted the angle at which her knees were bent to release the pain in the legs. His words were clear, and she understood them fully. As a response, she threw her arms around his neck and laid a long kiss on his lips. Then, with their foreheads touching and her eyes closed, she whispered, “I’m not afraid.” Sesshomaru-sama would never hurt her. Why would she be afraid? Why would she ever want to leave?

Glad to have her warmth back with him, Sesshomaru rewired his yoki to dematerialize the armor to eliminate the distance from Rin. He took Bakusaiga and stood it on the ground. The katana gave off a faint green halo. The light expanded and shielded him and her from the outer space. Sesshomaru once again wrapped his arms around her.

At the break of dawn, Sesshomaru woke up from a deep sleep. The moment his brain started working, his heart fluttered in guilt and fear. He blamed himself for falling asleep and was terrified that enemies could be approaching him and, more dangerously, her.

However, when he forced open his eyes, he calmed down, at the sight of Rin.

She was smiling at him, her eyes radiating in a delightful way. The sunshine poured over her long loose hair, coating her with a soft luster. His head was pillowed on her lap, and his hand was held in her grip with his own fingers relaxedly curled.

“Sesshomaru-sama, good morning!” Rin learnt from the golden color of his eyes that he had recovered.

Sesshomaru sat upright, trying to recall what had happened last night.

“Are you feeling well?”

“Any headache?”

“Shall we look for Jaken-sama and others?”

“Or would you like to rest for a little longer?”

…

Rin kept asking, her list of questions seeming endless.

He gazed at her, confused. He remembered clearly that he had asked her to stay behind and then he had been attacked by enemies. After that, everything seemed blurry. How did he end up here? Why was he alone with her? Rin was smiling, constantly, sweet and warm. Intuitively, he thought she was hiding something behind that smile.

He studied her carefully and ruminated. More and more images emerged in his head and finally they started making sense. And then, he saw it. He reached out his hand and pushed aside the thick hair draping at her collar. Exposed with the skin was the wound: a scabbed and swollen bite mark smeared with dried blood. It hurt his eyes and heart to watch. And it hurt more as he remembered that it was he that had tried tearing her flesh.

“I’m fine, Sesshomaru-sama!” Rin’s smile was gone. She quickly raised her hand to cover the wound.

But Sesshomaru seized her forearm. He hiked her sleeve up and found four stripes of bruise on her wrist. He frowned and ground his teeth.

“Sesshomaru-sama, I’m truly fine!” Rin covered the bruise and explained, “I know you are carefully tender to me.” He had been, or her human body would have been easily shattered.

Sesshomaru did not register her words. He recalled everything. He protected her out of instinct, and yet he also hurt her out of instinct. Defeat, frenzy, insanity, and consequences. He blamed himself with great regret, “How much strength did I unleash toward her? How did she endure my violence? How many other injuries is she trying to hide? ...”

Sesshomaru could not forgive himself, nor could he ask for her pardon.

After a long silence full of self-loathing, he finally managed to say, “Rin, I hurt you last night. I am deeply sorry.”

Rin was stunned. This was the first time Sesshomaru ever apologized to anyone.

“Stay away from me if this happens again.” Sesshomaru clenched his fists, his claws piercing into his palms. Regret, hatred and heartache were torturing him. He regretted that he had not foreseen enemies’ trick. He hated that he had caused pain to his fragile girl. And his heart ached at her unconditional trust in him. He swore to himself, that there would be no “if” and that this would not recur.

“Sesshomaru-sama, I am staying at your side, always, no matter what. I’m glad to be needed by you.” Rin resolutely defied. She would obey any other order of his, at least partially, except this one to leave Sesshomaru-sama when he was in danger. No way would she ever do that.

“As for your apology,” Rin recovered her smile, “I’ve accepted it. So, please don’t let it bother you.”

Sesshomaru had a complex feeling. She met his gaze with sincerity, faith and persistence, without a single hint of fear. She opposed him, but he was not angry. Instead, he was consoled and reassured. He leaned forward and gently placed his arms around her, which she, in contrast, returned with a firm hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyline post this chapter:
> 
> Despite being hurt by the cross and failing to killing Sesshomaru, the vampires found the mirror. They then turned their eyes to the sword.  
> Inuyasha separated from Sesshomaru and headed for Totosai's place, as he had left the children there and he worried that the vampires would go to Totosai for information about the sword and then the children could be in danger.  
> Datura followed Sesshomaru and Rin after he was attacked at the Shrine. She saw how he protected and cuddled Rin. Out of jealousy, she determined to take action.


	12. “You do not have to catch up.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would they ever quarrel with each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyline prior to this chapter:  
>   
> Sesshomaru visited his father with Rin and Jaken. He did this for two purposes, to introduce Rin to his father and to investigate if the vampires had been there to look for the sword Kusanagi no Tsurugi. From that trip, he learnt that the vampires had indeed been there and had captured Totosai and Hosenki's son.  
> Inuyasha and Miroku had left their children, together with Shippo, at Totosai's place quite a while ago. They were already on their way to check on their children.  
> Now that the vampires had seized Totosai, they might have got the kids too.

After leaving the Gate of the Afterlife in the Realm of Fire, Sesshomaru, who possessed the blade of the Netherworld, continued on his path in this world.

“Sesshomaru-sama, where are we going?” Jaken was happy that his master had allowed him to follow to Inu no Taisho’s tomb, while a main purpose of that trip was to introduce Rin to the late daiyokai. He believed it was a gesture that Sesshomaru thought highly of him as a trusted servant. The little demon was so conceited to even turn bold enough to ask about his master’s plan. He looked respectfully at Sesshomaru, who was leading in the front as usual, and, from the corner of his eye, he glimpsed Rin, who was on the back of A-Un, lean forward to listen too.

“The Kinki region.” Sesshomaru didn’t even glare at Jaken. He only answered the question because he knew Rin was wondering.

However, his answer didn’t make Rin happy. Kinki was not where she wanted to go, and she had not expected him to be heading in that direction. She was quite confused and called him, “Sesshomaru-sama, Totosai-sama was seized by the vampires. Then the children, Maki, Enou, Oumu and Koukoku, likely have been captured too. Shouldn’t we go there and take a look?”

“That has nothing to do with me.” Judging from his undisturbed flow of steps, Sesshomaru was not worried about the children’s safety at all.

Rin was a little surprised to hear his reply. She thought, “Sesshomaru-sama does not concern himself with anything unimportant or irrelevant. However, it involves Inuyasha-sama’s daughter this time. Why is he still so aloof and indifferent?” She lowered her head with a frown to stare at A-Un’s mane, not sure what to say.

Shusho was in the rear and saw everyone quite clearly. He sneered in his mind, “What a cold-blooded daiyokai!”

Hearing no words from Rin, Sesshomaru realized that she was upset, so he explained, “It is Inuyasha’s and Miroku’s duties to protect their offspring. I am under no obligation to do it for them.”

Rin had thought there could a turnaround when he initiated to speak, but only became more frustrated after hearing his sentences.

“But Sesshomaru-sama…”

He seldom would interrupt her, but he did this time.

“Inuyasha has to learn how to protect the ones important to him. He also has to anticipate accidents and dangers to be prepared. If Kikyo’s death has not been a good lesson, then the loss of a family will serve him well.” After a brief pause, Sesshomaru softened his tone and continued, “Rin, it is a matter of course for me to protect you. Others, however, are just irrelevant to me.” This was what the real world was like, which he hoped Rin to understand: Gains usually came with losses; one should work hard to earn the gain and never expect others to cover his or her loss.

Rin gazed at Sesshomaru and couldn’t believe her ears. She asked in her mind, “Do the children have to be sacrificed for Inuyasha-sama to learn a lesson?” She was irritated by Sesshomaru’s detachment. But would she be able to change his mind? And how? She felt helpless.

“Rin, if you are blaming me, so be it.” Sesshomaru sensed her complaining but insisted anyway, “I intend to spend my time on more important things than looking for those little ones.”

Now Rin was truly angry. She spoke, actually almost yelled, before thinking straight, her voice shaking, “They are innocent, aren’t they? Don’t you think you are too cruel?”

Jaken was stunned by Rin’s burst of emotion. He peeked alternatively at Sesshomaru and Rin, confused. He secretly wondered, “What is this scary atmosphere about? Is this a quarrel? Sesshomaru-sama and Rin, are they having a quarrel? Really?... Should I try stopping them? How should I do it so that I can avoid my own death?” As far as Jaken could see, Sesshomaru was not in a temper, although he was indeed very serious about the facts and opinions he had stated. However, Rin obviously was not her usual self. Even when she was silent now, she still seemed to scream in anger in her body language. Jaken had no idea whether and how he could be of help in this situation and even looked over his shoulder at Shusho in hope of his advice.

Shusho did not say a word, though. To be honest, he wasn’t really worried about the ongoing argument. He understood what Sesshomaru had said and agreed that Inuyasha should protect his own child himself. However, it was Rin who wanted to check on the children. Would Sesshomaru insist that she do that herself too? That Inu yokai would provide whatever Rin wanted without even being asked to. Why would this be an exception then? Shusho was confident that Sesshomaru must have planned everything out regardless of his indifferent attitude and that it must be Sesshomaru who would yield.

“Rin, I must remind you.” Sesshomaru stopped and turned around to meet her protesting gaze with his patient one, “The vampires know better than to kill any valuable hostage.”

The hidden message stroke Rin as she thought carefully, “The vampires will not kill any valuable hostage. Does that mean the children are safe even if they are truly taken? Then we still have a chance to save them. Is that a second reason why Sesshomaru-sama is not going to Totosai-sama’s place now? Is he actively looking for the vampires already?”

Rin calmed herself down and now once again saw the daiyokai’s gentle heart veiled by his cold appearance. She tried making a request, “Sesshomaru-sama, could you please save the children, if they are really captured and if you find them before Inuyasha-sama does?”

Rin’s eyes were radiant with faith and expectation and Sesshomaru always found that impossible to refuse. He gave her a silent nod.

Nevertheless, he still wanted her to understand the cruelty of reality: She had to if she wanted to fight along his side. Hence, before Rin could recover her smile, he surprised her with a most serious question, “No one is able to save everyone. Even I can fail. A single thought or action can mean the difference between success and failure. Rin, what will you do if you fail to save the ones you hope to save? Are you prepared to face the loss that comes with failure?”

Tranquility and darkness overwhelmed the woods as the night deepened.

Jaken lay on his stomach on A-Un’s back, snoring loudly. He always quickly fell asleep these days since he was easily tired. Shusho was in his plant form and rest under a tree. He developed this habit majorly to indulge himself in memories of Yuko and partially to leave privacy for Sesshomaru and Rin. Noctie was somewhere in the shade near Rin. It needed to sleep as a young demon but was still alert to the surroundings regardless. Rin sat by the fire, lost in her thoughts as she stared at the dying flames, her arms hugging the knees.

Sesshomaru walked up and threw two crackling dry branches onto the embers. The fire soon turned vigorous again.

Rin realized that the night was deep and that she had sat there for so long as to worry him.

Sesshoamru sat down beside her. She wrapped her arm around his, and he took her hand and interlocked his fingers with hers.

“What is keeping you awake?” He asked in a gentle voice.

“Nothing.” That was a quick response without careful thinking, clearly given in place of “I don’t want to answer.”

Sesshomaru stayed silent. This was a sign, to Rin, that he was waiting for a proper reply. She hesitated a little before turning to look at his eyes. Sincerely, she made an apology, “Sesshomaru-sama, I’m very sorry for speaking rudely to you earlier this afternoon.”

 _That._ Sesshomaru remembered how she had turned upset at him for not looking for Inuyasha’s and Miroku’s children, her eyes, voice and scent all informing him of her anger. That was the first time he saw her like that.

Sesshomaru had thought that she might be troubled by the question on failure and loss and had intended to ask her to take her time, as it absolutely would take more than one day to reach an answer. Now it turned out she was just worried about him being irritated. That was easy then.

“I was not offended. You are free to express yourself.”

“I know you were not.” Rin tilted her head as she stared at his eyes, seemingly reflecting on something, “You are not like that when you are angry.”

Sesshomaru was alarmed. “When I am angry?” He quickly searched in his memories for any moments he had been angry with Rin and only found one: when she told him that she would be gone for three months seeking a Ploud and would not see him. “Have I left a bad impression on her?” He turned worried upon the thought.

However, he immediately pulled his attention back to the current issue, which was more urgent, and wondered, “What is she gloomy about then?”

Rin looked away from him and said in a regretful voice, “It’s all because I’m too clumsy to read the situation that I have misunderstood you.”

There were many words Sesshomaru would use to describe Rin, and “clumsy” was never one of them. He was perfectly aware of how smart Rin was. He assured her, “You are not. It is not your fault and it does not matter.”

“Yes, it does matter.” Rin argued, her eyes on the flames and her heart still down, “Sesshomaru-sama, you can read enemies’ intentions, but I cannot. What I had in mind did not match what you were considering. I’m afraid I will disrupt your plan someday.”

Sesshomaru watched her silently as the lively fire contrasted her low spirits. When she kept her eyes averted in such a dismal way, it usually was because she was blaming herself for something. And this time, the particular “something” was likely his own mistake. He said, “The real reason for the misunderstanding, was that I did not reveal my thoughts to you.”

“No, it’s not! That’s not true! It’s not your fault. It’s all mine!” With a sudden rise in her emotion, Rin turned back to Sesshomaru. Her grip turned so tense that Sesshomaru had to stroke her knuckles to make her relax.

Sesshomaru didn’t argue, since the responsibility was his despite her disagreement. He truly believed that their quarrel in the afternoon could have been avoided, if only he had explained everything to her earlier.

“It inevitably has ended up like this.” Rin lowered her head in frustration, “Sesshomaru-sama, I didn’t tell you, only because I didn’t want you to think I was blaming you.”

Sesshomaru cupped her cheek with his free hand and turned her head to face him. He made sure she was listening and then said, “Rin, you do not need to guess my mind from now on. I will tell you everything that is safe for you to know.”

Rin stared at Sesshomaru. His sincere gaze made her heart flutter in shame. She said, “I’ve been trying hard to be helpful. However, even though I’m in the same situation as you, I’m not able to think as comprehensively as you do. You catch details and grasp the keys effortlessly, while I can only stay superficial however hard I try.” This deep disappointment in herself and the strong sense of helplessness was the real reason why she was so upset tonight.

He wanted to say “You do not need to do all these” but immediately realized that she would not accept it. He then said, “Rin, I have sharper senses and hundreds of years more experience than you do.”

That didn’t make her feel any better and only rendered her more desperate.

“Experience is gained from lessons. Be patient.”

Only she could not. Her life was too short for her to be patient. She almost cried out, “But I don’t have time for all the lessons. I won’t be able to catch up with you.”

“You do not have to catch up. I am behind you.” Sesshomaru paused to look at her gleaming eyes and was relieved to see Rin relax and calm down. He continued, “And you do not need to think in my way. You just follow your own heart.”

As a matter of fact, Rin could never do things in his way. Even if she should have the same extraordinary senses as his, she would still think differently and choose differently. The reason was that her heart was not as cold and hard as his was. He didn’t mention this, simply because Rin did not need to live up to his standard, any standard.

Rin was thinking about his words, her spirits gradually recovering. She leaned on his shoulder and pondered silently for a long time. Finally when she was too tired to carry on her rumination, she asked a casual question, “Sesshomaru-sama, are you going on a patrol tonight?”

“No.”

“Is it because it’s not safe around here and you want to stand watch?” She thought she had failed again to see through the situation and had missed the danger.

“No.” Sesshomaru pressed a kiss on the top of her head and explained, “I just am not in the mood to leave.”

Rin smiled at his somewhat amusing excuse before closing her eyes. She whispered, “Could I leave the issue of failure and loss for tomorrow?”

“Mhm.” He gently wrapped his arms around her and eased her to lie in his lap so that her dreams would be securely guarded and stay sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More storyline.
> 
> Inuyasha and Miroku arrived at Totosai's place and fortunately found their children safe and sound. They decided to send them to Koga's place for protection.  
> The Kinki region was where the Emperor lived. To help the vampires get the Emperor's blood, Toyotomi Hideyoshi had returned to the Kinki region several months ago. He also had brought the Blood Soldiers with him. The Soldiers needed to drink the vampires' blood monthly to keep their sanity; Datura was assigned the task of delivering the blood.  
> Now Sesshomaru was heading for Kinki. He had no idea that Datura was waiting for him and Rin.


	13. “Decide for yourself.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In short, Sesshomaru proposed to Rin.  
> They had both confessed their love to each other and believed that someday they would be a family. But here, after Sesshomaru had almost lost Rin again despite all his efforts to protect her, he couldn't forgive himself and must ask her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyline prior to this chapter.  
> (This is the short version. A detailed version is at the end of this chapter.)
> 
> Datura attacked Rin with illusions and made her believe that Sesshomaru didn't love her.  
> Under the influence of the illusion, Rin stabbed Sesshomaru and ran away. She fell off a cliff and was found by Kenta, who was now the leader of the Blood Soldiers stationed in the Kinki region. This was the same Kenta who had confessed to Rin and been rejected before in the village.  
> Kenta brought Rin back to his campsite and used a medicine to wipe her memory. The medicine would last for fifteen days and Kenta planned to court Rin and make her fall in love with him during that time.  
> Rin lost her memory as well as the illusions Datura had put on her. She did remember not to detach the silver obi from her body though.  
> Rin remembered Sesshomaru's names on the fourteenth day. Kenta was scared and decided to marry her the next day.  
> That night, Datura found Rin and ordered several men to assault and murder her. Soryuha emerged from Rin's obi and killed those men to protect her. However, the yoki of Soryuha caused the humans at the campsite to turn hostile at Rin. A miko named Sachiko shot an arrow at Rin and almost killed her.  
> Sesshomaru had Jaken fetch a reviving herb for Rin while he used his own yoki to maintain her heartbeat. Yet, it was Shusho who eventually revived Rin, by giving her his own life.  
> Sesshomaru ordered Jaken to fetch new clothes for Rin, as she took the herb. "Two sets of garments" was his demand.

It seemed a long dream for Rin. Before the dream started, Sesshomaru had left to chase enemies; when she woke up, Sesshomaru was back. All seemed normal as usual, except that her dreams were never this twisty and full of dangers. Now she was conscious, she remembered all the downs, without any ups, and realized how any of them could have easily killed her, or even worse, torn her away from her beloved. She couldn’t stop trembling upon the reflection, even though she was now perfectly safe.

Rin stayed submerged at the center of the small lake. Drops of water fell off the tips of her hair one after another and cast ripples around her shoulders.

Sesshomaru stood on the bank, facing away from her. He held Bakusaiga in his right hand and was fully prepared to cut open any intruders.

Rin couldn’t take her eyes off him. She hadn’t been able to properly look at him for fifteen days. It was time she couldn’t make up for no matter what she tried. Only when she beheld his beautiful figure could she fill the emptiness in her heart rendered by the separation from him. Only when she filled her mind with his presence would she find strength to conquer the overwhelming terror stimulated by the murdering attempts of Datura, Sachiko and Kenta. The longer she stared at his back, the more invisible wounds, caused by the blade of time, she found on him. She saw every one of his feelings, how he had missed her, how he had worried about her, how his heart had almost died with her, even though he had not told her any of those. He didn’t need to say anything. She just knew. From the way the silver dragon of Soryuha had protected her and from his expression full of surprise, relief and exhaustion upon her waking, she learnt everything. Rin reflected on their reunion just a few hours ago; tears welled up and streamed down before she could know.

“Rin, are you crying? What is the matter?” Sesshomaru asked in a worried tone, as he sensed the smell of tears. He was more protective than usual now that he finally had her back.

“I’m all right.” Rin scooped some water and splashed it on her face to rinse the tears off, “Tears of joy. That’s all.” It’s true. Nothing could bring her more happiness at this moment than being back with him.

After a deep inhalation, Rin closed her eyes and lowered her entire body into the water, her hair lazily drifting. All her sad and painful memories were dissolving in the water, just as tears were.

Sesshomaru’s heartstring was pulled by the sudden plummet in the density of Rin’s scent. He quickly turned around, eager to cling to anything of her. To his relief, he saw her black hair fanning and flowing undisturbedly in the water and a steady stream of bubbles rising to pop on the surface rhythmically one after another.

After a considerably long time, Rin was at her limit and couldn’t hold her breath anymore. She vaguely heard someone talking, as she stood up to stick her head out of water. She saw Jaken was back.

“Ask Inuyasha and others to stay away.” Sesshomaru pointed slightly to his right, “There.”

Jaken took a glance in that direction and nodded. He bowed to this master and said in a very determined voice, “Yes, Sesshomaru-sama. This Jaken will keep them out of this way.”

After Jaken had disappeared into the woods, Sesshomaru spoken again, “Rin, do not stay in water for too long. Your wound has not healed.”

Rin had almost forgotten about the wound on her belly until he brought it up. It was healing quickly under the effect of the reviving herb but still tingled. Besides, she now felt a little chilly from the cold water. Swimming and walking, she quickly returned to the bank.

“Those are clothes for you.” Sesshomaru heard her move through water and pointed at something behind him, without turning around.

The two cases Jaken had brought back were familiar to Rin. They were made of sandalwood, emitting a subtle and pleasant fragrance. They looked identical and were engraved with the same mark of a bird with fancy tail feathers. Every garment Sesshomaru had gifted her, including the obi that bore Soryuha, was packed in a case of the same type of wood with the same mark. Rin rose and her shoulders emerged from the water. She unlatched the two cases and opened them. Jaken had truly fetched two sets of garments. Just in the way she knew, the kimono jacketing the inner lining was carefully folded and laid in the central compartment, flanked by the obi and geta in the side sections, with accessories in the bottom one.

“Sesshomaru-sama, why?” Rin was confused.

“Make your own choice.” Sesshomaru closed his eyes.

Rin was even more bewildered. She was never picky about anything Sesshomaru gave her. Why was she told to choose this time? She asked again, “Sesshomaru-sama, why? I only need one.”

“Decide for yourself.” He answered in the same plain voice.

There was something special about this order. However, she was not sure what that was, and she knew he would not elaborate. She could only follow what he had just said.

The two kimonos came in two colors, one magenta and the other carmine. The magenta one looked refreshingly vibrant, with embroidery of golden shells; the carmine one emanated extraordinary grace, embellished with patterns of colorful koi. Just as she liked everything that he had given her, she liked these two. They seemed equally lovely and she truly didn’t know which one to pick and why not the other. She hesitated, looking alternatively at the two sets.

Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of a mark on the carmine kimono, just next to the collar on the right yoke. It was a mark of a hexagon. She couldn’t believe her eyes and bent forward for a better look.

“Sesshomaru-sama! Is this…” Rin was lost for words, her heart beating too fast and her brain turning foggy. She picked up the carmine kimono and brought it close to her face. A red hexagon with a white blossom, that was Sesshomaru’s crest.

Sesshomaru opened his eyes, still with his back to her. He explained in an affectionately deep voice, “Rin, that kimono is customized for you. It is your decision to keep it or not.”

It appeared a selection between two garments, but the crest made it more than clear that this was a life choice.

“If you feel unsafe with me, you may leave and I will find you a good place to live in.” He paused to subdue his emotion, “If you wish to stay, I hope you can be the wife of this Sesshomaru.”

No deafening vows. No romantic promises. Even his tone was calm and plain.

 _Make your own choice._ It was always like this. He had let her choose when she had been stopped by the monk Ungai from following him. He had let her choose on her seijin-shiki how to spend the rest of her life. And now, he still let her choose. He even never expressed how terribly he wished her to choose him, just in order not to distract her.

Rin’s tears streamed down. _You always know my choice. Why would you always ask?_

Actually, Sesshomaru had not planned to ask this time. He had wanted to build a home for Rin, for them. He would do that right after he defeated the vampires. And he had already started preparing for the wedding. Last time when he was at the tailor’s place to pick up clothes for Rin, the demoness told him that the everyday kimono marked with his crest was ready but the wedding shiromuku still needed a few months’ work.

However, before Sesshomaru could surprise Rin with any part of his plan, she was endangered because of him, tortured because of him and was only alive due to others’ help. Was the home he wished to build for her really as safe as he had meant it be? He was not confident anymore. No one knew how harshly Sesshomaru was blaming himself. He loathed himself so much that he had to reevaluate the risk of taking Rin along, so much that he couldn’t lift the punishment off himself until Rin chose him once again.

Sesshomaru heard the sound of fabric rubbing. Rin had made her choice. She was walking toward him, step by step, closer and closer. He did not turn around, just silently waiting. He seemed serene and patient, but deep inside, he only painfully and vainly wished the sound of her steps could betray her choice of geta.

“Sesshomaru-sama, I’m ready.” There was a fading trace of tears in Rin’s voice.

That was when Sesshomaru moved to turn around.

If she wished to leave, he would not keep her, especially not in a place surrounded by dangers. If she wished to stay, he would fight till his last breath to protect her.

The turn was harder than he had expected, and it took longer than he had meant.

Carmine.

 _Still, you wish to risk your life with me._ Sesshomaru’s eyes flashed with a faint smile. 

Rin stood with poise, her hands stacked in the front. She was beautiful. Threads of wet hair stubbornly stuck to the blush on her cheeks. A water droplet was gleaming at the tip of her eyebrow just like a dew on the pastel of a rose.

“Sesshomaru-sama, Rin is staying with you, until the very last day. I have made my choice before and it will never change. It’s you, always.” Rin delivered the words at the bottom of her heart via the gaze between them to a safe corner in his heart.

Simultaneously, they reached out their arms to each other and parted their lips to welcome a passionate kiss. They both had longed for the warmth of the hug and the sweetness of the kiss seemingly for over a thousand years, and neither was willing to call an end to the overdue indulgence.

Finally, when they had to break for a proper breath, he whispered in her ear, “You solely and entirely belong to me, too.”

To her, an explanation was redundant. A single word as neat as “too” conveyed everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Detailed version of the storyline.  
> (Now I wonder why I even wrote this long version. The short one was already long and I guess no one would read this one.)
> 
> Datura tampered with Rin's memories by making her believe that everything that had happened between her and Sesshomaru was actually between Datura and him. She showed Rin a tanto, alleging that it was a gift from Sesshomaru while it was actually stolen. She ordered Rin to stab Sesshomaru with that tanto and then kill herself.  
> Rin injured Sesshomaru and ran away, believing he did not love her. She fell off a cliff and was found by Kenta, who was now the leader of the Blood Soldiers stationed in the Kinki region.  
> Kenta brought Rin back to his campsite, where, besides the Blood Soldiers, stayed many mikos, hoshis and demon slayers. Kenta persuaded the miko named Sachiko to give Rin a medicine to wipe her memory, claiming that Rin had been abused by a yokai and it was to save her from a terrible past. The medicine would last for fifteen days and Kenta planned to court Rin and make her fall in love with him during that time.  
> Rin lost her memory as well as the illusions Datura had put on her. She did remember something though: to not detach the silver obi from her body. Kenta tried hard to impress Rin and told her that they were close friends since childhood. Rin was grateful to Kenta but somewhat skeptical about his stories.  
> Shusho and Noctie found Rin but couldn't get her due to a strong barrier around the campsite. They stayed around to keep an eye on her and trying to save her.  
> Sesshomaru decided to hunt down Datura before Rin's medicine would wear off completely. He was unsuccessful because Datura was constantly using her enhanced illusion technique to hide from him.  
> Kohaku was one of the demon slayers at Kenta's campsite. He found that Kenta had wiped Rin's memory and was telling her false stories. He ran into Noctie and Shusho and learnt about everything. He later secretly met Rin to tell her truth about her past, leaving the part about Sesshomaru out though in order not to trigger Datura's illusion attack.  
> On the fourteenth day after Rin's arrival at the campsite, she remembered a song she used to sing while waiting for Sesshomaru. She wasn't able to recall everything besides the names of Sesshomaru and Jaken. However, that scared Kenta enough, and he decided to marry Rin the second day. Kohaku had a fight with Kenta and was injured. He told Shusho and Noctie to take Rin away before the wedding and then went himself to look for Sesshomaru.  
> In the evening, Datura showed up at the campsite to make the monthly delivery of vampires' blood. She immediately learnt Rin's presence and learnt from Kenta that they were getting married the next day. She decided to torture Rin once more.  
> Sesshomaru also got back to the campsite on the same night, since Rin was due to remember everything including the illusions the very next day. He sensed Datura and chased her as she left the site. Datura deliberately led him far away and told him that the illusions would stick to Rin until death. Kohaku found Sesshomaru and told him about the wedding. Datura claimed that Sesshomaru wouldn't make it in time to save Rin, as she had already ordered several men to assault and murder her. Sesshomaru turned away from his fight with Datura and flew to Rin.  
> Datura's men were killed by a dragon that emerged from Rin's obi when one of them tried to touch her. The dragon drew all the mikos, hoshis and demon slayers to Rin's tent. They turned hostile at Rin as they fought the dragon. Rin recognized the dragon as Soryuha and remembered everything. She refused Kenta's request to remove the obi and go to his side. The humans then demanded the miko Sachiko to shoot an arrow at the obi to end the fight, even knowing that it would likely kill Rin. At the same time, Shusho emerged from a tunnel to get Rin and a group of bird demons started striking the barrier from the sky. Rin's help arrived. That was when Sachiko shot the arrow.  
> Rin almost died from the wound. Sesshomaru used his own yoki to maintain her heartbeat as Jaken was on his way to fetch the reviving herb. After a long night, Shusho's yoki emerged from Rin's body and turned into his humanoid form. He told Sesshomaru that he had gifted his own life energy to Rin to revive her, as he had decided to leave this world for Yuko. Rin came around and her illusions were gone. Jaken got back with the reviving herb and was immediately sent away to fetch new clothes for Rin. "Two sets of garments." Sesshomaru demanded.


	14. “Is this the real answer to that question?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Sesshomaru forget Rin after she dies?  
> He addressed this question after she accepted his marriage proposal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something about Shusho:
> 
> At some point during their travel, Shusho warned Sesshomaru not to hurt Rin in any form or he would revenge her even if it meant his own death. Sesshomaru then asked Shusho, "Why would you die for Rin? Were you willing to die for Yuko back then?"  
> With that latter question, Shusho eventually realized what was missing in his relationship with Yuko and why he was not able to flower: because he was not willing to give up the hope of flowering and die with Yuko.  
> Shusho then decided to end his life in this world to follow his late wife to the spiritual world. That was when he flowered. But then Rin was attacked by Datura, and he had to postpone his plan of leaving until Rin was safe.  
> Later, when Shusho found Rin at the edge of dying, he decided to give his life to her and leave for Yuko.  
> \-------
> 
> Storyline related to this chapter:
> 
> Several months ago, when they were in the Northern Land, Shusho told Rin his story with Yuko. Shusho and his human wife had spent fifty years happily together. After Yuko's death, Shusho lost himself in grief and still didn't recover after more than a century.  
> Rin asked Sesshomaru, "Will you be sad for over a hundred years after I die, like Shusho-san for Yuko-san?"  
> Sesshomaru replied, "I am different from him."  
> Rin interpreted his answer as "no" and thought he would forget her to move on. She decided to write a poem to him so that he would remember her.  
> She finished writing her poem on a folding fan on the same day when Datura later attacked her with illusions.  
> On the night when Rin almost died, Jaken accidentally saw the poem and brought it to Sesshomaru.  
> The next day, Rin was revived and Sesshomaru proposed to her. (See the previous chapter.)  
> Now Sesshomaru was to make a proper answer to her question.

Rin’s heart ached at the sight of the scroll that belonged to Shusho. She picked it up and crushed it to her chest as she recalled what Sesshomaru had told her. Various emotions surged in her mind. She was grateful that Shusho had saved her life, and happy that he finally was able to reunite with Yuko as well as to flower. She was also guilty that she had taken his life without knowing, and regretful that she hadn’t said goodbye. Her tears streamed down, unstoppable.

Both Sesshomaru and Jaken saw her weeping, but neither interrupted her.

“Sesshomaru-sama, is Shusho…” Jaken wasn’t able to finish the question, as he seemed already aware of what had happened. The scroll was found by him. When he arrived at the campsite, Sesshomaru had taken Rin away from the pool of blood, and Shusho and Noctie were also nowhere to be seen.

“It is due to Shusho that Rin has recovered.” Sesshomaru said. Shusho died for Yuko, as well as for them.

Rin said a lot of things to Shusho in her mind. In the end, she wiped away her tears and decided to live the life for him. She opened the scroll. At the portrait of Yuko and at the egret flower by her feet, she smiled, as if making a promise. After a long silence, she closed the scroll and put it safely away in a case. It was then that she found something missing.

“Jaken-sama!” Rin called him loudly and eagerly, “Where is my folding fan?”

Jaken was startled and even a little scared when he saw a hint of blame in Rin’s anxious eyes. He quickly replied, “Sesshomaru-sama has it. It’s not on me.” Upon finishing, Jaken felt a shiver down his spine. He turned around rigidly, only to see his master’s icy cold glare.

Sesshomaru drew a fan out of his sleeve and casually unfolded it.

“Sesshomaru-sama!” Rin cried out to stop him. She darted to him without another word, but her demanding gaze was clearly begging him not to look at it.

“I have read the poem on it.” Sesshomaru folded the fan when Rin came to stand in front of him. His expression was impassive, even as he watched sadness rise on her eyebrows. He thought of the question she had raised the night before she decided to write something on the fan.

_“Will you be sad for over a hundred years after I die, like Shusho-san for Yuko-san?” She asked._

_“I am different from him.” He answered._

This poem was a response to his reply. “When you see my writing, remember my smiling.” That was the last verse.

He stared at her and asked, “Do you think I will forget you?”

Rin lowered her head and whispered, “My life is too short compared with yours, like an instant compared with eternity. When we are separated by death, it’s only natural to forget.”

“ _If_ we are.”

Rin didn’t quite get him and was only astounded to see the folding fan be decomposed and disappear in his palm in a flash of green light. She raised her head to look at him in confusion.

Sesshomaru picked up her right hand and opened it in his left hand. His right index finger glided on her palm. He was writing.

“Leaving you in solitude breaking my heart,”

It was just a part of a complete sentence, but he retracted his right hand before finishing. He cut the tip of his index finger with the claw of his thumb. Patiently, he watched his blood oozing out.

“Sesshomaru-sama?” Rin and Jaken cried out simultaneously, surprised and puzzled.

Without any intention to explain, Sesshomaru just released Rin’s hand, before raising his left hand to push her hair bangs aside. Then his bloody right index finger landed on her forehead. He intended to finish writing the sentence there.

Rin was too stunned to move and dodge. She felt a warm sensation spreading on her skin and diffusing into her body as Sesshomaru’s fingertip slid on her brow. She concentrated to follow his strokes and tried to recognize the words.

“With”, that was the first one.

Sesshomaru paused. The blood word flashed silver and disappeared into Rin’s skin, not visible anymore.

She didn’t get the chance to think about the flash, for he laid his fingertip on her skin again.

Repeatedly, Sesshomaru wrote and paused. One after another, six blood words flashed and disappeared into Rin.

Finally, after finishing, he retracted his hands, his finger still stained with blood.

Jaken gaped at his master in shock, his eyes full of tears.

For a long while, Rin was unable to speak. An overwhelming emotion overtook her body, clenched her heart and blocked her senses.

“Sesshomaru-sama…” She tried to bring herself together, her eyes welling up. Her lips twitched as she fought hard to hold the tears. Finally, she managed to ask, “Is this the real answer to that question?”

“Yes.” _Leaving you in solitude breaking my heart, with you I live and die._

With a deep breath, Rin cleared her mind and then wiped away the tears before any could fall. She would not face the person who gave her unlimited and unconditional protection and love with tears of sorrow and weakness. She would only smile at him with happiness and strength.

However, Jaken burst out crying, “Sesshomaru-sama, you are sooo… so… Rin, you do take care of yourself and stay alive! Otherwise, Sesshomaru-sama will, will…”

The vow written in blood would come into effect at the moment when two persons’ blood merged. “With you I live and die.” _Only when the spell is tied to you like a red thread, can I truly be sure you will never be alone._

Rin knew nothing about the Blood Vow. However, did it even matter? Would her trust in him entail any cord to secure? Would his resolution to live and die with her depend on whether a bond was in place?

“I know the meaning of my life.” This reply was for Jaken, and also for her future husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyline post this chapter.
> 
> Inuyasha found Sesshomaru and asked him what happened at the campsite. He arrived there with Kohaku's lead only to find that all Blood Soldiers and humans there had been killed in a very brutal way. He thought it was Sesshomaru who had done this.  
> The truth was, those people had already died when Sesshomaru reached there to take Rin away. The one who had killed them was Noctie, and Sesshomaru recognized the technique specialized by the nue demons the moment when he saw the bodies.  
> A group of nue birds surrounded Sesshomaru and Inuyasha, threatening to kill them together with the humans in their company. Noctie showed up before they could launch an attack and ordered them to cease. It turned out Noctie was the heir of the nue demon's late taisho and was now in command. He was in a humanoid form of a boy and his real name was Noctis, instead of Noctie given by Rin. His yokai power awoke when he witnessed Rin be "killed" by the humans at the campsite. He was the one who had slaughtered everyone there.  
> Noctis hated humans for murdering his families years ago and now was leading his comrades to revenge. Yet Rin, the one who saved his life and raised him, was a human, and he eagerly wanted to protect her. In the end, Noctis promised Rin that he would not initiated attacks on humans while she was alive. NOTE: Noctis was a boy; he respected Rin but did not love her in a romantic way.  
> The nue demons had captured Koga (the wolf) and Toran (the panther) and released them after making peace with Sesshomaru.  
> Toran was looking for Sesshomaru in hope of allying with the Inu yokais to fight humans, since the panthers were struggling to defend their land. Sesshomaru turned her down.  
> Koga was there for Inuyasha and Miroku, as they had sent their children to him for protection and he had some updates about their situation: Humans were attacking the wolf demons and Koga had to hide the children somewhere else, especially Inuyasha and Kagome's daughter. He was also investigating what's happening in the world on his way here.  
> While Sesshomaru was talking to Toran and Inuyasha to Koga, one vampire appeared and seized Rin. Sesshomaru rushed to save her and found himself in a trap. Others also followed to vampires' cave but were blocked outside.


	15. “This Sesshomaru surrenders to no one.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sesshomaru was facing the end of his life, the end of yokais and the end of humans.  
> What would he do with the fate?  
> What would he do with his vow to Rin, that he would not leave her alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was close to the end of the story.  
>   
> All Three Sacred Treasures were discovered and they merged into one piece. This new Sanshu no Jingi was absorbing yoki of all yokais from everywhere; this would soon bring an end to all yokais' lives. Besides, the vampire was waiting for the Jingi to get its power and later use it to kill all humans. So it seemed that both yokais and humans would inevitably die.  
> Sesshomaru was the only one able to stand and fight, at his own limit though. He intended to leave alone to face the enemy. But Rin demanded by shouting at him,  
> "Sesshomaru! Take me with you! " (Yes, she dropped the title for the first time and used a commanding tone.)  
> She said, "With you I live and die."  
> With Rin's insistence, he took her to the battlefield. He used all his power to land a strike of Soryuha on Sanshu no Jingi. However, it didn't cause any damage. Instead, the Jingi returned a second dragon to him, very similar to his own Soryuha but much more powerful. He and Rin were both devoured by the Jingi's dragon.
> 
> Back when Sesshomaru was training to mature Bakusaiga in his spiritual world, Yoreitaisei asked Rin to pass on a message to Sesshomaru once two or more pieces of the Three Sacred Treasures were brought together. His message was,  
> “Converting the other’s technique, bewildering the other’s mind, enhancing this one’s power. Near vermilion, one strained red; near ink, one strained black.”  
> At the end of the his training, Bakusaiga questioned Sesshomaru if he would be able to use the ogi in a real fight as it would come at a high price.

Seshomaru’s sense of time was disrupted by a turbulent current rushing and shoving him forward into an unknown space, his vision blurry and his head dizzy. There seemed to be uncountable reefs in every direction, crashing onto his body and threatening to shatter him into pieces. He was deprived of the ability to think, to judge or to respond. The only thing he was left to do was drift around, in all sorts of yoki surrounding him.

By the time when he finally came around, the forces that had being tearing him were gone, and only gusts still rushed through his hair now and then, in vain to cast any harm. The first thing he did spontaneously after gaining consciousness was curl the fingers of his left hand, which his was sure should be connected to Rin’s hand. Surprisingly, his fingertips hit his own palm. His hand was empty. She’s not there.

“Rin?”

Sesshomaru panicked. He tried looking for her, only to find himself unable to turn around. He focused and contemplated. Soon, he realized that he was floating and drifting, nothing beneath his feet and no way to tell up from down.

Without sparing a second to blame himself for having loosened his grip, he stretched his neck to its limit so as to look into the distance and into the breadth, only in hope of sighting Rin somewhere. However, there was no one around him. This was a homogeneous and endless space. Numerous traces of yoki, originated from all sorts of yokais, were rushing and darting in all directions, resulting in winds whipping at his body. He was the only _being_ incarnate.

He remembered that at the last moment before being devoured he turned into a core of yoki, encasing Rin, and dashed at Sanshu no Jingi.

_Am I inside Sanshu no Jingi?_

_Where is Rin?_

He couldn’t see her, nor could he smell her.

“Rinnnnn.” Sesshomaru shouted her name. This was probably the first time he ever used such a loud voice to call anyone’s name, desperate and terrified. His call propagated to the distance quickly, but also decayed quickly. No echo and no response. He didn’t know how large this space was and thus had no idea how far he was away from her.

_Is she still alive?_

His nerves turned tense upon this question. He held his breath and tucked in his chin to look at his own body. His kimono was stained with blood and smelt irritating, marks on his wrists were bright and fierce indicating a spike in his yoki, and his heart was throbbing strengthfully and rhythmically in the chest.

He was still flesh and blood.

Sesshomaru had never felt so relieved and fortunate for being alive: If he was safe and sound, then there were no threats to Rin’s life.

Now he could force himself to concentrate and think about the current situation.

It was by no means a rational action to take Rin and crash into Sanshu no Jingi. Rather, it was suicidal. He did that, simply because he would not admit defeat and would rather fight to the death for his dignity.

Sanshu no Jingi could have easily blocked him at the entrance or crushed him into pieces. Why did it let him in without even slight resistance? Why did he sense no killing intentions here despite being surrounded by all types of savage yoki? Could it be that this Sesshomaru was as light as dust to Sanshu no Jingi and didn’t weigh enough to deserve any attention? Was his life too low to the Jingi to be worth noticing let alone taking?

That was simply a trample on his dignity. He was insulted and infuriated, his blood boiling with rage.

However, why would his wrath matter to Sanshu no Jingi if his life did not?

“How dare you belittle this Sesshomaru?”

With a surge of his fury, Sesshomaru’s eyes turned scarlet, and his hair fanned outward as yoki emanated from his body. He was transforming. He did not have much power left from the previous fight; he was now emitting it all and withholding none.

The mixture of yoki around him was stirred by his yoki burst, eddies and turbulences excited everywhere. Swirls of all sizes formed around his body and propagated to the distance, stimulating more whirlpools along the way. These vortices, instead of blending everything, isolated his yoki at the center as a green light and meanwhile centrifuged others’ to the edge.

Bakusaiga radiated a green halo, as if making a command to fall in. He was calling for his yoki.

“This Sesshomaru’s yoki shall all be retrieved.”

All traces of green light at the centers of those swirls rose and snaked toward Sesshomaru. In just a blink of time, he was at the center of a giant web woven by innumerable green threads, shining in glory. Bakusaiga vibrated, resonating with his own pulse.

As he collected his yoki, his mind was haunted by Sanshu no Jingi’s last attack. The Jingi received his Soryunha and repaid him with a dragon seconds later. That dragon roared in a similar way with his own Soryuha. They appeared nothing but twin, except that the Jingi’s strike was much more ferocious. Sesshomaru thought carefully about the method of fighting fire with fire. Part of the message which Yoreitaisei had asked Rin to pass on to him suddenly appeared in his head, “converting the other’s technique.” It fit so well in this case: Sanshu no Jingi indeed had just converted his Soryuha into its own. He had believed that message to be a tip to defeat the Jingi, but it turned out to be the Jingi’s ogi.

If “converting the other’s technique” referred to an ogi, then it must be the same for the other two phrases: “bewildering the other’s mind” and “enhancing this one’s power”. He recalled all things that had happened before to seek any keys buried in neglected details.

Gradually, everything started making sense.

He had witnessed the mirror absorb opponents’ yoki. This was “converting the other’s technique.” The jewel’s power was unknown to him. However, it had helped nine-tailed foxes, especially Datura, to learn and mature their illusion skills. It was only natural that its power was to manipulate the opponents. This was “bewildering the other’s mind.” After taking in his Soryuha, Sanshu no Jingi returned a strike with something similar but stronger. This was “enhancing this one’s power”, presumably belonging to the sword.

“Converting the other’s technique, bewildering the other’s mind, enhancing this one’s power.” Now he understood the meaning.

Then, how about the remaining two phrases? “Near vermilion, one strained red; near ink, one strained black.” Did they indicate certain types of ogi too? Sesshomaru spent some time ruminating on them, without a conclusion.

By this moment, more than half of his yoki had returned to his body. Bakusaiga vibrated even more vigorously, hissing to be drawn. Sesshomaru gripped the hilt tightly, feeling its urge and comforting it with his own.

He put aside the puzzle about the remaining two phrases and looked into the distance. It was pitch black. In spite of glowing in distinct colors and shades, all yoki diffused into pure black. Everything was bound to ended there. He, too, was drifting toward the same black, and his future was about to end in the same place.

He took a glance around, aware that, among the diverse yoki, there existed traces from Inuyasha, as well as from Jaken and Noctis. However, he was not able to locate them or to retrieve any.

Would _their_ futures be the same as his own, expiring? Different people, different lives with different experiences, turned out to have the same way of termination.

_Why? Who, with what right, is deciding this termination?_

He asked in a deafening silence. No one answered him.

He thought of Rin again. Waves of terror sourced from the core of his heart and propagated to every inch of his skin. He was afraid to see her die or suffer. And on a second thought, he realized that Rin mush be afraid to see him die or suffer too. His heartache was doubled.

_Will Rin survive?_

Sanshu no Jingi seemed to leave aside humans like her for now. But then what? The vampire was waiting for the Jingi to gain its power and was determined to use it to kill humans. How could anyone be truly spared in the end?

Very clearly, Sesshomaru saw Rin’s future, a future to be annihilated just like his own.

Yokais and ningens, having tried everything to fight and kill each other, now both were under the heel of the so-called Jingi. _All would die._ That was the destiny of the entire world as he saw: The demise of each individual stimulated horrors and sorrows in many others; in the chain of magnified horrors and sorrows, all lives perished, and the world came to an end.

He was experiencing a pain that he had never known before, not just because he was unable to save Rin’s or Inuyasha’s futures, but also because he saw the tragic fate of all lives and the despair overwhelming the world. Death was never the thing he feared to face. What he truly found unbearable was an arrogant contempt for his own existence, a merciless crush on the lives he cherished, and a dictatorial obliteration of the whole world.

Bakusaiga’s halo expanded in an instant and merged with the rays radiated from Sesshomaru’s body. The katana and its wielder seemed to unite. Now all his yoki had returned. The ogi of Sangui no Jingi and the riddle from Yoreitaisei, neither was important anymore. There was only one thing he wanted to do at this point. Bearing it in his mind, Sesshomaru held Bakusaiga upright, his eyes gleamed with resolution. The green light of his yoki intensified, brighter and brighter, obscuring his own body and his own blade as well as outshining all other yoki in the surroundings.

“Malevolence veiled by a sacred name… This Sesshomaru surrenders to no one.”

His eyes were filled with his own light of energy. He saw no way in, no way out and no way to retreat. He simply shut his eyes.

At that very moment, the daiyokai and his katana both vanished.

“Koryuha!”

With an explosion of yoki and power, a green dragon emerged from the light. It was the dragon transformed into by Sesshomaru and Bakusaiga, its eyes as bright as the dazzling sun, its claws as sharp as piercing swords and its scales as vibrant as dancing flames. It roared through the infinite and yet crowded space. Every inch that came into contact with its body ruptured with bolts, which flashed, penetrated and propagated.

He was forcing an opening in this sealed space. He was proclaiming his dignity to the so-called supreme divine. He was fighting for a meaningful destiny for all living beings.

_Except I will not be with her then and there. Rin, forgive me. I am taking back your future._

“Are you unleashing this power even if you and I both decease? Are you wielding this blade even if it’s throwing straws against the wind?” Bakusaiga had once raised these questions to him, and he reflected on them over and over afterwards.

Now, the answer was clear:

The dragon was to pass the point of no return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--- How was the sword discovered? ---  
> The vampires held Rin hostage and forced Sesshomaru to get Meido Stone for them.  
> In the fight which happened after he had handed over Meido Stone, Sesshomaru learnt that the mirror could absorb all yoki attacks, making itself a perfect defensive weapon. Then he cooperated with Inuyasha. With Sesshomaru holding the mirror off with Soryuha, Inuyasha stroke with Meido Zangetsuha to send the vampire together with the mirror on him into the Netherworld.  
> Later however, that vampire returned with the sword in his hand. It turned out that he found the sword in the Netherworld and was able to get back thanks to the power of Meido Stone.
> 
> \--- How did the jewel emerge? ---  
> Now that two of the three treasures were brought together, the third piece would just sense the summon and show up itself.  
> Back when Rin was kept in vampires' cave, she had a few conversations with Datura and found out that there were two personalities in Datura's body: one evil and the other normal. The one who had attacked Rin was evil, while the one Rin was with in the cave was normal.  
> The normal Datura later helped Sesshomaru with his fight with vampires and Sanshu no Jingi. She even blocked a fatal attack for him with her own body and thus lost her life. After her death, the jewel emerged from her body.  
> So the jewel was inside Datura all this time. Three hundred years ago, when the ghost army from the Netherworld invaded nine-tailed foxes' land, looking for the jewel, Datura's mother sacrificed her own life to seal the jewel inside Datura's body. When Datura was hit by Inuyasha and almost died, the seal was lifted. The jewel came to life as an evil personality and was once successful in taking control of Datura's body. Datura's father managed to suppress the jewel's power and brought back the normal Datura. This was only temporary though. In the end, the jewel itself would tear Datura apart and escape.  
> Datura's father was well aware that any attempts to look for Sanshu no Jingi could eventually threaten his daughter's life. That was why he tolerated no such intentions and would kill anyone who had an eye on the Jingi. He appeared controlled by the vampires, but was secretly planning to kill them both. After Datura's death, he initiated an attack of killing anyone that was connected with him by blood, including himself. However, he was only able to kill one of the vampires before dying.  
> Sesshomaru learnt from his mother about the bond between Datura and the jewel, and understood why his mother was so insistent on him keeping her alive. He later did spare and save Datura's life, except when she hurt Rin and he truly intended to kill.
> 
> \--- Koryuha ---  
> "Koryu": a dragon at its peak power  
> "ha": a technique  
> A Chinease proverb states that a mighty dragon at its peak power usually will soon regret reaching this superior position (as it will be challenged by and confronted with many difficulties and enemies).  
> Sesshomaru, here at his peak power, unleashed all his yoki as Koryuha to pass the point of no return without any regrets.  
> ("Mighty dragon with no regrets" was the meaning of the title of the Chinese version. I don't know how to name it neatly in English.)


End file.
